Fragile
Every now and then when I write something I find myself aware that I'm writing without a clear mind. That is true of this writing. The full story is long, and the agreement I made with the Crisis Clinic prevents me from telling you most of it, but the gist of it is this.
I just spent two hours talking to a woman who is dying and it put a lot of things into perspective.
First of all if you're one of the four or five people who know about this blog, Thank You. The people who know about this are all people who have meant something to me in my life. They've been formative influences, they've been sources of support, they've been a lot of things at a lot of times, and I love you all and I thank you all.
This whole experience makes a lot of things seem absurd but it also brings a lot of things back into focus. These days there are basically three things on my mind. 1. Graduate school and the ongoing process of becoming a therapist. 2. Bridget. 3. Everything else. These last two hours reminded me why I want to be a therapist, and what it is to provide that kind of help, and have reaffirmed in me that I can help people and that the rewards will be great even if the money isn't.
The fragility of life, the thing she asked me to remember, makes some things seem stupid. Every time I have ever cared about the outcome of a video game or sporting event or political function, for example. It also makes the fact that I live over a thousand miles from my fiance seem stupid. And I know there are reasons, but they're just straw dogs. Whatever happens with the graduate school thing, even if I never reach those life goals, even if all of those pursuits crumble in my hands I think I'll be okay as long as I can be with her. I miss her.
Everything else seems kind of insignificant next to that. I still don't like my job, I'm still concerned about a thousand little things, but those things are so little, and the important things are so fragile. I guess really it's just important to take the time to be grateful, and to remember what matters, because life is fragile, and unpredictable. Every day is a gift. I know it's a meaningless platitude by this point. It's a sentiment that has been driven into the dust by a thousand chain e-mails and greeting cards, but in the end it's still true. And it's something that we can't afford to forget.
I just spent two hours talking to a woman who is dying and it put a lot of things into perspective.
First of all if you're one of the four or five people who know about this blog, Thank You. The people who know about this are all people who have meant something to me in my life. They've been formative influences, they've been sources of support, they've been a lot of things at a lot of times, and I love you all and I thank you all.
This whole experience makes a lot of things seem absurd but it also brings a lot of things back into focus. These days there are basically three things on my mind. 1. Graduate school and the ongoing process of becoming a therapist. 2. Bridget. 3. Everything else. These last two hours reminded me why I want to be a therapist, and what it is to provide that kind of help, and have reaffirmed in me that I can help people and that the rewards will be great even if the money isn't.
The fragility of life, the thing she asked me to remember, makes some things seem stupid. Every time I have ever cared about the outcome of a video game or sporting event or political function, for example. It also makes the fact that I live over a thousand miles from my fiance seem stupid. And I know there are reasons, but they're just straw dogs. Whatever happens with the graduate school thing, even if I never reach those life goals, even if all of those pursuits crumble in my hands I think I'll be okay as long as I can be with her. I miss her.
Everything else seems kind of insignificant next to that. I still don't like my job, I'm still concerned about a thousand little things, but those things are so little, and the important things are so fragile. I guess really it's just important to take the time to be grateful, and to remember what matters, because life is fragile, and unpredictable. Every day is a gift. I know it's a meaningless platitude by this point. It's a sentiment that has been driven into the dust by a thousand chain e-mails and greeting cards, but in the end it's still true. And it's something that we can't afford to forget.
posted by Max at 5:43 AM
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