Thursday, May 24, 2007

The End of Exodus

More times then I can count during this project I have measured my options and decided that I could do without. Those which were needed became fewer and those which were sufficient became greater. I can not say if this is growth in the face of adversity or simply tolerance of my financial powerlessness, but it can not continue. There is a line which I should not have crossed, but I gradually slipped past it. What lead me lies somewhere on the thin line between arrogance and idealism, and it seems like such a reasonable idea too. It was a job that I went into every day wishing I had a different job, and went home from every day while thinking about getting a different job. Can you honestly blame me for rejecting it?

That's the catch though. I may have had some taste of the lower class experience, but I wasn't raised in poverty. Whatever endurance I think I may have gained from this will never match that of someone raised in it.

Marking my meager coffers and measuring my suddenly empty surroundings I think about the next three weeks. What exactly am I going to do? The problem is not only that we do not have them here but we will not have them there either. Acquiring a there, it seems, will only be the first of my tasks. A long list of essentials needs to be procured, but I don't have any money. I could get them cheap by hunting second hand stores but I don't have a car. All I have right now is time, and it seems I don't have the power to do anything but waste it. This is the true horror of poverty. The system was not made for you, and so you must fight all of your battles twice.

There is much work to do...