Thursday, October 25, 2012


Every now and then I get weird moments of sudden lucidity.  Sometimes this is experienced as a sudden awareness that I am in the middle of real life.  I attribute this to the amount of time I spend with video games and table top role playing games where the feeling is expansive and immersive but not real.  Sometimes it's the reverse.  Sometimes I have the feeling of looking up and seeing that the things being put forward as though they had meaning have none.  Other times these sensations come in the form of the sudden revelation of absurdity.

I hadn't realized it before but my job is absurd.  Right now I'm on a couch listening to the client trying to get to sleep.  If it wasn't my job this would be really weird.  The fact that this is a job is also kind of weird.  It seems like one of those things that should be be resolved either by a family or a tiger.  What I'm saying is that this is not the way the weakest among us are usually managed.

It's absurd, and it's specifically absurd, not crazy or stupid, because I genuinely do serve a roll, and in the absence of family/tiger based solutions the government funded nonprofit is probably the best way to handle it.  Society has just gotten really big while at the same time teaching us all to be independent.   It seems like it's destined to break down when we run out of room to be solitary individuals in.  I'm going to mark that as "not my problem," for now though.  After all I have a job to do.


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