More crap about that

Remember when I said my views were complex? Well it's time to delve back into them. Like the good Torah scholar that I am I'm going to take a single phrase and write a whole page about it.

The phrase is "You initiated it"

I came ot htis view after a long debate with my internal chamber of jesuits, and I'll tell you why.

First off the blunt mechanics of it is that one night I came home from drivers ed and myDad didn't live in my home any more. IT wasn't a sudden act done in passion either. He's a man of science, he thinks things through. He already had an apartment ready for him to move to.

So now we know he had forethought.

Now I move to the question of motive. My origional understanding of this was comprised of two parts. First of all, my brother, to the best of my understanding, has one mre year on him then the sum total of years in my parents marriage and the years since their divorce. This calls into question the initial foundations of their marriage which would explain collapse later on.

It dosn't justify it, but it does explain it.

The other part is the reasons I was told directly by my father. He talked about a vauge falling apart and general problems of communication which had been growing of the past few years.

Looking at this from the otherside of the wall I see a reliable liars trick at work. It looks like a half truth which is specific enough to be a suitible explanation, but vague enough to discourage futher questions. I'm not saying it is a liars trick, but it's my knee jerk suspicion.

Now without getting into specifics I believe there was some truth to the reasons my Dad gave me. My mom commonly said that she didn't see any problems, but she was probably wearing the rose tinted glasses of denail

Another knee jerk suspicon. Anything trying to pass through the wall is subject to a lot of those.

With what we've got so far his initiating the divorce dosn't seem to be that dark of an action. Take into account:
-Marriage with shaky foundations
-Growing incompatibility
-Children almost left the house

He was just taking initiative rright?

Poor naieve max, granting people immunity to scrutiy will never get you anywhere. I can't belive you really held that "taking the initiative" veiw for so long.

It's a complete picture, but when you add my father to it it no longer works. He wouldn't leave without somewhere else to go. He values stability, he dosn't seem like the kind of person who could take the jump into unkown opportunity on that grand of a scale. He seems more like someone who would jump from one island of saftey to another. There's another aspect to it though. He's had great success in life and that I credit heavily to his drive to improve. He bears the human curse of wanting more instead of enough, but he draws strength from it.

This next part is a little bit of grasping at straws, but follow me on this. I'm extremelly introspective, which can lead to me being self centered. If I'm right in thinking that I inherited it from him then one can see how he could be inwardly focused, derive self centeredness from that, and fall into the dread of of trading up a wife.

Hell, my grandfather did it. I'm just suprised my Dad didn't learn anything from the stress it put on him.

So he jumps to another island of stability, but in order for the jump to be properly motivated it has to be a better island, so in this case he jumps to a younger blonde island who shares his interest in science.

Was his motive purely to trade up? Probably not. Was that a motivating factor? probably.

And now if you'll endulge me, I have a message to deliver.

Max, I know your re-reading this. Your arrogance makes you consult your own teachings to solve your own problems, but we'll work on that fault later. For now I need you to remember the pain. Remember what it did to you.
BREAK THE CYCLE