Alpha

I met the larger of Kevin’s two cats recently. It was a very confusing experience. The cat was affectionate after I used my highly trained Cat affection inducing techniques on it. I’ve spent a lot of time with cats and have gotten fairly good at such things. The weird thing was that while the cat was purring and rubbing against me it would periodically bite me. Not a real aggressive bite, it wouldn’t break the skin, more of a nip. Now I’m not sure if cats do this, but I know canines will nip each other to assert dominance, so I began to think that this cat was trying to tell me that it was the Alpha in our relationship. Understand that I respect the role of follower, but I’m not willing to be second to a housecat. I learned from an aide at pets mart that if a dog begins nipping you to assert dominance you have to nip it back. This doesn’t mean actually biting it; he taught me a hand gesture which is basically a fancy way of pinching it that simulates the nip. If you do this long enough the dog will eventually cave in and recognize you as the alpha. So I began to nip the cat, which it didn’t seem to enjoy, but it never stopped nipping me. Eventually the thing got bored and wandered off. I told Kevin about it biting me in a strange unprovoked way, and he said that:

”Yeah, She’s just crazy.”

There wording is important there because the alpha behavior only occurs amongst male dogs. I wasn’t sure cats did it at all, and I’m essentially certain that female cats didn’t do this. I told him my alpha theory but given the gender of the creature it’s an amazingly far fetched idea, and we’ve come to the consensus that the cat is just weird.

But for the record, if the matter ever comes up, I am the Alpha Cat.