Sunday, April 08, 2007


Call Tien. She can fill in for you; you filled in for her Thursday.
I do, she needs to watch her mother or something. I make no effort to persuade her and spend the next 20 minutes sitting on my bed wallowing in hopelessness. Another 20 minutes of building up willpower and I call Shane to see if anyone else knows the laundry shift. He does, but he has something to do, something about a barbecue. I hang up and spend two hours doing nothing; then two more doing nothing half heartedly on my computer. I’ll have to go to work soon.

I haven’t bothered to change clothes or recharge my electronics but I don’t care. I pick up my pack and mumble around the living room, working my way to actually heading out the door. Self deprecation and merciless reminders of duty are substituted for actual motivation. I think a lot of just turning around, saying I missed the bus, and staying home. A few more lashes from guilt’s cruel switch get me on the bus. Thinking of the future causes only dread. I try to think of something else to think about, but before I get anywhere I realize that I just don’t care. I could-

Fuck it I don’t feel like writing this any more.


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