Wednesday, July 02, 2008


At any given time I'm fight at least two metaphorical battles, and when I say that I'm getting better or doing badly what I'm actually giving you is a net victory assessment. This is why I can be, and am, getting better, even when I've been losing ground in one key area. It will sound like I'm digging up an old issue, but this is actually a different fight against the same opponent.

Now that I've gotten the sleep thing down, that is to say that I can no reliably sleep, and that the concept of laying down for 8 hours doesn't feel odd any more, I've begun to slide on scheduling it. There are two principle reasons for this. The first being that if I go to sleep at ten I can still see sunlight in the distance, and the other being that I don't really have to wake up at six any more. So it slips gradually, and I end up getting up at 7. This lead to a surprisingly fast slide into me getting up at 9. It was startlingly fast, but the cause was very simple. I wasn't getting tired until at least midnight.

I've learned a few things about forcing yourself to sleep. The biggest most important one is "Don't Get Up." Before you can say anything else about being unable to sleep you have to be willing to lay in bed, in the dark, in relative quiet, with your eyes closed for at least an hour. No checking the clock, no getting water, no reading, none of that. If you get up you'll stay up. This tactic has served me well in the past, both because it has a high success rate, but also because if you can't sleep after an hour of this then there's a legitimate problem going on. The first few nights of laying in bed from 10 to midnight I credited the fact that it was still 85 degrees, but last night everything was right, it should've all worked and I found myself terminally unable to fall asleep. I was tired, I was resting, but sleep had been blocked. Which is when a key idea occured to me.

This kind of blocked state is one I kind of know of. This is chemical sleep denial, and since there wasn't any increase in fidget activity I knew it had to be the concerta. This had never been a problem before. The thing is that I take my meds upon waking up. Various vitamins, extracts, and what I assume is the byproduct of a green tea farm, a thresher, and a car compactor. If I wake up an hour later that means that I start the effect of my time release speed an hour later. Which would explain the rapid cycle decay.

I think I should have shorted that now, but I haven't gotten to the results phase yet. I set every clock in my room for 5:30, including my cell phone and a downloaded alarm for my computer. I reached something kind of like consciousness when they all went off, and immediately took my concerta. I then fell back asleep. I ended up waking up at 9 again, but if my theory was right I should be able to go to sleep with the sunset again. We'll see.


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