Wednesday, August 06, 2008

No More Lies: Preface

Every now and then, when I'm facing something frightening I have this thought.

Just one more time.

We'll take care of this or that assignment the way we used to, staying up all night, calling up the insomnia. Just one more time. I'm proud to say that I haven't given in. I won't ever give in. And because it keeps coming up, and because I keep holding on I know I've gotten better. I know that this time when I say that I've become a new person I'm not just deluding myself. But if I'm going to be who I know I am then I'm going to have to deal with who I was. I won't be clean of that until I can go through and explain what lead me down that path, how far I went, and what was actually happening when I was cloaking myself in deception.

I've never done that before. Ever. With Anyone. But before I can keep talking about my future I have to cleanse myself of my past. It's a big task. It's a frightening task, and I find myself thinking that same thought. But no. Never again. Not even one last time.


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