Quotes Dump

My facebook quotes list is filling again, and as always I record them here so that they may amuse me later.

"I think a sport is any contest between at least two people, where one wins, and is dependent on physical activity. So certain kinds of angry sex would be considered sports."
-Kevin

"It's only furthering my depression to realize I could have summarized my grand manifesto by simply writing 'I'm Fucked.'"
-Max Willson's Whiteboard

"It's like twitter for crazy people"
-A commentary on my giant whiteboard

"Did you know that 3d6 nerds die every week from incidents just like this one?"
-Maximilian "The Legendary Argos Rex" Willson

Four gods wait on the windowsill,
Where once eight gods did war and will
And if the Gods themselves may die
What doest that say for you, and I?
-On The Rain Slick Precipice of Darkness, Episode 1

"This game Sucks and anyone who likes it sucks. Penny Arcade sucks and is funny as something that's not funny at all."
-An Ad for Penny Arcade's Game.

"Energy drinks may be substituted in place of exuberance"
-I'm just Drinking

"Why bother falling in love when instead you could just burn your house down. You get the same amount of drama in a lot less time and you don't cause nearly as much damage."
-Garrison Keeler

"You've Just been cut by The Saw!"
-Maximilian "Sure Shot" Willson, of "Sure Shot & The Saw" our Epic R6 team.

"No matter how many sea lions are eaten by sharks each year, it never seems like enough."
-Strange Wilderness

"I say follow your dreams. Even if they're about a giant spider with your fathers head, and he keeps stealing your penis."
-Dean Venture

"He didn't understand that it's all connected, that one subject leads to another and forms a kind of chain that raises its head and nods like a cobra when you're sucking on a bong after three days of no sleep. On acid, it's even wilder and appears to eat thing. But not having gone to college, my dad had no concept of a well-rounded liberal arts education."
-David Sedaris, "When you are Engulfed in Flames

"Kali-Ma is my tail-gunner"
-Kevin Wilson

"This is what happens when you win the presidency by wishing on a cursed monkey paw."
-Jon Stewart

"The image in my head of a sea of drowning kittens I find hilarious."
-Kevin Wilson

"I'm a severe schizophrenic and I'm claiming myself as five dependents."
-Epic Tax Maneuver, by Max Willson

"Paton, Your case, and keep in mind your opponent just killed a child to make his point."
-The Root of All Evil

"I'm gay, the person with me was a lesbian and we were attacked by ecoterrorists. It's the most Seattle thing that could have happened."
-Mark, speaking in The Stranger

"But the world is oblivious, they've got headphones on."
-Lazlow