Adult

Neil Stephenson once wrote something.  The exact quote escapes me, but it was something like "Babies cry loudly because they think someone will come and fix everything for them, adults cry to themselves because they know no one will."

Tomorrow I'm going to pick up my TCSPP ID card, and talk to financial aid and career services and do all the things that I will have to do to start this process, and it terrifies me.  I don't know if I'll be able to pay for it and I have no idea what I'll do if I can't and I am absolutely resolutely going forward.  Sometimes I still think it was a mistake to move to Chicago, and having just got back from a trip to Washington I can feel all the things I'm missing. The foundation, the memories, the social ties and networks are gone, and sometimes I don't know what I'm doing and I am always certain that I'm going to do it.

I am going to become a therapist.  It is not a matter of if I can do it, the only question I ever have is how.  The task is daunting and I am exhausted and afraid and I am still going to do it.  I don't always know how, but I know that I will, and I know that in the end I'm the one who has do this, because I'm the only one who really can.