The Shattering of Focus
I had a thought Wednesday while I was in math lecture.
I hate doing this stuff. I hated when I was doing it in 11th grade, I hated it when I was doing it in 12th grade, and I still hate it now. Why do I keep signing up for math classes?
At a later and more meditative time this evolved into a full internal dialogue.
...Why do I keep signing up for math classes? Because you're good at it. Ok, there's two things wrong with that. First of all I'm a science person, not a math person. Also haven't I gotten a high C low B in math these last few years? True. But you enjoy physics, and in order to study physics you have to study math. Close but wrong again. I enjoy discussing physics from the theoretical and principle based perspective, the math is the worst part, and something I do primarily to convince people to keep teaching me more theory. Then because you're an engineer. But if this is a key part of engineering doesn't that mean I won't enjoy a job as an engineer? And this brings the obvious question of why, pray tell, am I an engineer. Because you're good at science. That's the first level of illusion, the doing the right thing, playing to your strengths one. Why are you really an engineer? Because I need a technical degree so that I don't get screwed over when globalization knocks me off my perch as a rich American Fat-Cat. Second level of illusion, the fear based one. Max you can't keep me out with your illusions and walls of bitterness, I'm you remember. So stop giving me the reasons you thought of After you chose this path, and tell me why you started on it. Money. A good engineer can make a fortune. Third level of illusion, the self glorified anti-hero. Everyone wants to be a badass Max, and nobody is. Besides this is just another obvious "Wall of bitterness" defense. Fear, greed, whatever form of evil you want to say motivates you. Why did you really start on engineering. ...Because it's what I've always done. I've been a science whiz since I was in 3rd grade. I had a natural technical aptitude, and it was just the road I've always been on. And you never questioned it? No... Not until now. Ok then, back to square 1. Problem analysis. Lack of a major. Check, possible solutions, and their faults
Electrical Engineering
-Not a math person
Bioengineering
-Not a math person (not as much of a problem as it in in EE)
-Not sure what I'd end up doing.
Mystic
-Might not be a real job
-Harassed by un-believers
-might not be any money in it
Psychotherapy
-Requires a Ph.D.
-Possible job insecurity. Globalization is still out there.
Alternative Medicine
-Niche market (mixed benefit)
-Not really a college education thing, more of a job that evolves from hobby and independent study
Philosopher
-Where's the money?
Writer
-Highly unstable job.
-May not posses actual writing talent. Most of the praise my writings have received were from friends/relatives.
-Inspiration based
Lawyer
-May have to be evil to be successful
-Highly competitive
-May require additional education
Programmer
-Highly prone to being screwed over by globalization
Clergy
-Despite being heavily God-Minded I don't affiliate with any major religion.
-Possible conflict with the nature of attachment to material goods as corrupting and doing clergy work professionally.
Ok, lets put mystic, clergy, alternative medicine, philosopher, and writer out of the career pile, and into the hobby pile along with cooking, roleplaying, webcomics, and video games. Of the ones that remain pick 3 EE, BE, Psych. Ok, now say why each one is good
Electrical engineering deals with the electricity/magnetism/light based physics which I had a fascination with in high school. While I did still hate the math part of it, it was made tolerant because of the physics components of it. I had the feeling when doing it that it was hard but fun, and when I stumbled back muttering to myself from the whiteboard that held a stream of madness and poorly drawn circuit diagrams with the right answer I had a feeling of success. The part that always felt like it was missing was making these circuits do something. EE is that part. EE is also a technical degree which means that if the world does flatten I'll still be step above the many, and it's a fairly well paying career from what I understand.
Bioengineering is similar to EE in its' merits. It's a more recently developing field of study and requires a little less math. I think my scientific proficiency would carry over into it based on my success in BIO II. This combines with my fascination with neurochemistry and my uncanny ability to think up weaponized versions of what my otherwise be medical miracles. Seeing how run-away the military budget is right now that could pay off big.
Psychology/psychotherapy. The second most fufilling thing I've done in life has been to serve as a counselor to friends in times of need. I'm fascinated by the human mind, I enjoy hearing peoples stories, and I have a near infinite capacity to be vented at. This job, judging from the bill Pereino used to give us, also pays quite nicely. It also has skills that can transfer over to day to day life. The only real problem with it is that the career I want from this requires 5-7 years of graduate study, and I'm not sure how I'd pay for it. A bachelors of psychology can get you certain jobs which I could do to earn the money to pay for certain training, but that may be a problem. I may be able to work at the place that's training me like that student barbershop in bellaire, but that's only a May thing. I'd also get the title of Doctor.
Ok, those 3. You're current set of classes can get you into either EE or BE, so you're set for that. The Psych BA doesn't have that many required classes. So if we flip out and decide we're really not an engineer we can make that jump pretty fast. Any idea what your ideal career would be? My anger is the same as it's been for 2 or 3 years now. Supervillan. However, since I'm still grounded in objective reality, I'll cope and decide on one of the ones offered. I'll decide later. ... Have we really solved anything with this whole discussion. No, but we diagrammed our ignorance. Whoop-de-freakin do. Next time I'm listening to the voice that tells me to shut up and cope instead of the one that tries to analyze and solve problems. He gets stuff done a lot faster.
I hate doing this stuff. I hated when I was doing it in 11th grade, I hated it when I was doing it in 12th grade, and I still hate it now. Why do I keep signing up for math classes?
At a later and more meditative time this evolved into a full internal dialogue.
...Why do I keep signing up for math classes? Because you're good at it. Ok, there's two things wrong with that. First of all I'm a science person, not a math person. Also haven't I gotten a high C low B in math these last few years? True. But you enjoy physics, and in order to study physics you have to study math. Close but wrong again. I enjoy discussing physics from the theoretical and principle based perspective, the math is the worst part, and something I do primarily to convince people to keep teaching me more theory. Then because you're an engineer. But if this is a key part of engineering doesn't that mean I won't enjoy a job as an engineer? And this brings the obvious question of why, pray tell, am I an engineer. Because you're good at science. That's the first level of illusion, the doing the right thing, playing to your strengths one. Why are you really an engineer? Because I need a technical degree so that I don't get screwed over when globalization knocks me off my perch as a rich American Fat-Cat. Second level of illusion, the fear based one. Max you can't keep me out with your illusions and walls of bitterness, I'm you remember. So stop giving me the reasons you thought of After you chose this path, and tell me why you started on it. Money. A good engineer can make a fortune. Third level of illusion, the self glorified anti-hero. Everyone wants to be a badass Max, and nobody is. Besides this is just another obvious "Wall of bitterness" defense. Fear, greed, whatever form of evil you want to say motivates you. Why did you really start on engineering. ...Because it's what I've always done. I've been a science whiz since I was in 3rd grade. I had a natural technical aptitude, and it was just the road I've always been on. And you never questioned it? No... Not until now. Ok then, back to square 1. Problem analysis. Lack of a major. Check, possible solutions, and their faults
Electrical Engineering
-Not a math person
Bioengineering
-Not a math person (not as much of a problem as it in in EE)
-Not sure what I'd end up doing.
Mystic
-Might not be a real job
-Harassed by un-believers
-might not be any money in it
Psychotherapy
-Requires a Ph.D.
-Possible job insecurity. Globalization is still out there.
Alternative Medicine
-Niche market (mixed benefit)
-Not really a college education thing, more of a job that evolves from hobby and independent study
Philosopher
-Where's the money?
Writer
-Highly unstable job.
-May not posses actual writing talent. Most of the praise my writings have received were from friends/relatives.
-Inspiration based
Lawyer
-May have to be evil to be successful
-Highly competitive
-May require additional education
Programmer
-Highly prone to being screwed over by globalization
Clergy
-Despite being heavily God-Minded I don't affiliate with any major religion.
-Possible conflict with the nature of attachment to material goods as corrupting and doing clergy work professionally.
Ok, lets put mystic, clergy, alternative medicine, philosopher, and writer out of the career pile, and into the hobby pile along with cooking, roleplaying, webcomics, and video games. Of the ones that remain pick 3 EE, BE, Psych. Ok, now say why each one is good
Electrical engineering deals with the electricity/magnetism/light based physics which I had a fascination with in high school. While I did still hate the math part of it, it was made tolerant because of the physics components of it. I had the feeling when doing it that it was hard but fun, and when I stumbled back muttering to myself from the whiteboard that held a stream of madness and poorly drawn circuit diagrams with the right answer I had a feeling of success. The part that always felt like it was missing was making these circuits do something. EE is that part. EE is also a technical degree which means that if the world does flatten I'll still be step above the many, and it's a fairly well paying career from what I understand.
Bioengineering is similar to EE in its' merits. It's a more recently developing field of study and requires a little less math. I think my scientific proficiency would carry over into it based on my success in BIO II. This combines with my fascination with neurochemistry and my uncanny ability to think up weaponized versions of what my otherwise be medical miracles. Seeing how run-away the military budget is right now that could pay off big.
Psychology/psychotherapy. The second most fufilling thing I've done in life has been to serve as a counselor to friends in times of need. I'm fascinated by the human mind, I enjoy hearing peoples stories, and I have a near infinite capacity to be vented at. This job, judging from the bill Pereino used to give us, also pays quite nicely. It also has skills that can transfer over to day to day life. The only real problem with it is that the career I want from this requires 5-7 years of graduate study, and I'm not sure how I'd pay for it. A bachelors of psychology can get you certain jobs which I could do to earn the money to pay for certain training, but that may be a problem. I may be able to work at the place that's training me like that student barbershop in bellaire, but that's only a May thing. I'd also get the title of Doctor.
Ok, those 3. You're current set of classes can get you into either EE or BE, so you're set for that. The Psych BA doesn't have that many required classes. So if we flip out and decide we're really not an engineer we can make that jump pretty fast. Any idea what your ideal career would be? My anger is the same as it's been for 2 or 3 years now. Supervillan. However, since I'm still grounded in objective reality, I'll cope and decide on one of the ones offered. I'll decide later. ... Have we really solved anything with this whole discussion. No, but we diagrammed our ignorance. Whoop-de-freakin do. Next time I'm listening to the voice that tells me to shut up and cope instead of the one that tries to analyze and solve problems. He gets stuff done a lot faster.
posted by Max at 5:26 AM
1 Comments:
Well...you know....even though the voice that tells you to cope gets things done faster, the voice that doubts will bring you to what is truth...or perhaps what is The Light....nevertheless....it's best to give good answers to all your voices...otherwise they'll poke you till you snap.....to quote the flavor text from a M:TG card..."We sow the seeds of doubt and harvest the crop of wisdom."
Good old white weenies...
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