Tuesday, January 08, 2008


Reaping the rewards of my fathers fear of depression I was recently gifted with a broad spectrum lamp. I'm fairly certain that's the proper label for it anyway. In street level terminology it's a bright lamp that's supposed to mimic sunlight.

The lamp along with the sunny conditions yesterday and todays return to the Seattle's harsh tutelage on the breadth of colors that fall under the word gray have made me realize my background appreciation for sunlight.

It's a thought that kind of bugs me, because I'm generally a night person, and a cold person, and in many ways a shadows person. I'll grant that this may have started off as a persona cobbled together out of teenage angst and duct tape, one of the many things teenagers make all kinds of stuff out of duct tape, but it's become part of my intrinsic mannerisms. We're around the five year mark now so I think wearing all black has clearly exceeded the word phase, but despite all everything else I kind of like sunlight.

It also raises my old game of antagonizing the sun. Granted it was just a game, but I've been playing that one for a while, so I feel a bit hypocritical.

It's also lead me to think about a few things. The theoretical rituals I've been turning around in my head as part of my knee jerk affection for rituals and my fear of turning my Champion into a religion, but we'll have to discuss that once I go into the details of my particular Champion. More so it's made me reflect on why I stopped practicing Wicca.

In general I have no problems with Wicca, beyond the standard suite of problems that I have with religeons, most of which Wicca shares. There's a lot of bullshit new-age-ism that seems to come with the standard wiccan, but those are problems with that person not that religion. The whole time I was delving into it I had a weird bit of dissonance though. Looking back I can see pretty clearly was it was. The moon, the earth mother, the fact that every major author and teacher was a woman; the whole religion is very feminine, and that's fine if you're female, but I'm not. I was lacking a bit of that connection that many of my then peers spoke of. I probably berated myself for lacking talent because this was back when I was a moody teenager instead of pretentious college student, but I think the problem was that my relation to those iconic images is inherently different because of gender, and even though I could never find a wiccan who bothered with it, I always felt a stronger connection to the iconic figure of the "Lord" whose avatar is the Sun. It's interesting, in a highly pointless way, to reflect on this, and where it could have lead, and upon the potential open market of other mystically minded young men looking for someone to take back the word Warlock in the way that Wicca has done with witchcraft.

Then again between World of Warcraft and Dungeons & Dragons the term "Warlock" has gotten a fairly concrete association with evil. We'll probably have to get a different name...


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