Monday, May 26, 2008

Full Chemical

First of all let me apologize for any gross grammatical errors in this entry. I've taken my night medicine already, so I'm not at excatly 100%, but that is the thing I'd like to discuss.

As I said I'm medicated with what is nominally my sleeping meds. I'm still learning more about these, and once thing I'm learning right now is that I've been wrong to think of them as reverse concerta. One of the key tricks concerta can do is cause you to be awake even if you're incredibly groggy, or laying in bed during your snooze period after getting too little sleep, or even if you've already been awake for 24 hours. It's powerfull stuff. I see that my standards were too high when judging the bendryl, because I was thinking of it as "Take two of these and you're gone for 8 hours."

Now I'm swaying gently, and I'm clearly not wakeful, despite being awake, so I can't argue that the pills work, but they can't overcome the fact that I've only been awake for 12 hours. They're sleep augmenters not sleep inducers.

That little side story aside, I'd like to discuss the thing that made me decide I needed to write another entry. It's occurred to me that I've toyed heavily with these meds, but I haven't actually spent a week on what I'm calling "Full Chemical Regulation." Meaning sleeping meds every night, waking meds every morning for a prolonged period. Starting this week, I count weeks as starting on Mondays, I'm going to be trying this, and despite it's frightning implications I hope it does work. Getting back to a state of mind where I can sleep without a bit of chemical help first depends on me doing things that are much more easily done with chemically induced sleep.

The swaying is being accompanied by a kind of lolling of the head. Like what babies do. I'm going to go lay down now. I think it's in all of our best interests.


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