Monday, October 27, 2008

The Setting Sun

I've been in a slump recently. As always I have a number of theories as to why, and I feel pretty safe saying that it's a compilation of all of them. Background stress created by fighting my social anxiety, the various mental burdens created by having a more active social life then I'm used to, the ongoing opera grade tragedy that is my car, and what I've stared to thing of as cash flow feng shei. This of course refers to the direct correlation between my financial liquidity and my general happiness, because the lack of money blocks crucial points in my chi.

Those answers are all quite easy, and probably basically correct, but I have a much easier and simpler theory as well. Maybe it's just S.A.D. It's hard to say, there's no good test for this, but I've gotten out my standbys for fighting off S.A.D., and gone back to debating whether its effective to have a sunlight on behind me, which is one of the many little debates I've had with myself since I learned that the pineal gland, which reacts to light, is located on the back of my head.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Car Troubles

So a few weeks ago I finally got off my ass and got my car into the shop. About a week later I got it back. Roughly two weeks have passed since then which consisted heavily of me thinking about keeping the car, me discussing these temptations with myself, and me avoiding that entire subset of thoughts. Usually but not necessarily in that order.

What it comes down to is that I need to get rid of it because the car facilitates negative behaviors while eliminating a few positive ones. I never realized how much reading I did on the bus until I suddenly stopped spending so much time on buses, and the less energy I spend fighting back the temptation to buy fast food the better.

Anyway, I go on to a few sites, talk to a few dealers, and decide that the best option is a direct sale on Craigslist. That part goes through with only minor holdups, until we get to Sunday where I'm making sure everything is out of the car so that I can go get it washed in a serious way, so that it'll look nice for the potential buyer whose coming by the see it.

This is when the roof starts giving me issues. This isn't entirely new, but it has been over a year since this last happened, and the last time I regularly used the roof it was doing fine. The new twist, from when last we met this villain, is that the roof refuses to fully close. Convertible that doesn't readily convert is one thing, but car with permanent hole in back of roof is a much much different thing. I inform the buyer of this, shoo her off, and get down to calling my repair staff.

They send me to a different repair staff with the promising name of "convertibles only." After a long drive made longer by how easily one can get lost in North Seattle I spend a half hour on the side of the street while the expert pokes and prods the roof engine in my car. All of his test and knowledge lead him to believe that something is wrong, and he has no idea what, and it'll cost $200, to $500 and maybe more to repair it. Also it'll be two weeks before he can take my car in.
He does show me the manual release lever for the top, so at least I can get it down enough to stably endure the rain, but there's a problem with the latch that neither of us understands, but prevents me from fully lowering my cars roof.

So all in all, I'm really glad the weather has been this good recently.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Quotes Dump

It's that time again. Here's what the last batch had.

"Is it just me or is crawling across the couch way better then standing?"
-One of the many Jamess

"It's like a living room, with screaming"
-Uknown from C.S.P.C. boards

"Oh they're going to have to glue you back together... IN HELL!!"
-Meet the Demo-man

"Frag them all and let the server sort them out."
-A different James

"When God gives you Lemons you FIND A NEW GOD!!"
-Powerthirst 2

"Blackwater meets Suicide Girls, that's where the real amoral money is"
-Questionable Content

"If God had wanted you to live he would not have created ME"
-The Soldier, TF2

"Because You Can't Drink a Car Battery"
-Brawndo: The Thirst Mutilator

"That's the kind of ambivalence I could see getting behind."

"Sing along if you know the words, They're in Ancient Egyptian!"
-The Darkest of the Hillside Thickets

"The world's a mess, and I just... need to rule it."
-Dr. Horrible

"He's got ten seconds of impunity and a grenade launcher, he could change the world!"
-Max Willson

"That's not waking up that's coming to"
-Kevin Wilson

"Governor Palin, Senator Biden, neither of you really answered that last question..."
-Gwen Eiffel

"You know you've made it big when people burn you in effigy"
-Adam Wahlen

"Nobody is going to judge you, because nobody cares"

Saturday, October 18, 2008


I can't sleep, and I can't sleep for a reason that's almost infuriating.

I drank caffeine too late, and now I can't sleep. Yes, I know that's not crazy, but do you have any idea how alien this idea is to me? I used to drink a constant stream of diet coke, it never gave me any problems. Not any problems that I noticed anyway.

I've been phasing it out recently though. Newfound clarity has revealed how many of my old habits were poisonous, but it's hard to avoid falling back into them. It's also shown me how true James old complaints were. A lot of modern society is set up to facilitate behaviors that are ultimately destructive.

Monday, October 13, 2008


So you sit there for a few minutes holding the slip in your hand. A dozen thoughts lunge to the front of your mind, thoughts that would have destroyed you once, but you're stronger then that now. You know these agents of failure and weakness. You've known them for a long time.

They're not on your team.

Nervous energy builds and you know that if you're going to pull this off you're going to need to be confident, or at least you're going to need to be able to pretend that you're confident, which in the end is the same thing. You pace for a few minutes, letting a bit of pressure out. A quick kiss of fire from the captains private stock and you sit back down, phone in one hand, her number in the other.

And it rings.

Your thoughts fly into a maelstrom of motion, half of them falling into battle formation and the rest of them abandoning ship.

And it rings.

Half your brain is bringing up every trick you know and a few you don't, they're reminding you that on three separate occasions you've gotten a standing ovation while giving a speech you were making up on the fly, and the other half is reminding you how every time you've done this it's gone wrong. You face the cowards inside your own mind and silence them with a lion's roar of courage and conviction you don't have.

And it rings.

Bold and trembling you catch your breath, steadying yourself, making sure you're in speaking mode so that she'll actually be able to understand what you're saying.

And it rings.

And at last you're ready, a hunter ready to face its prey.

And it rings.

And it rings.

And it rings.

And it goes to voice mail.

God Damnit.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

A Deviant Mind

About a week ago I pulled the screen off my window. The main reason I did this was to get a better breeze, and after a long internal discussion that mostly weighed the relative annoyances of putting the screen back vs finding a place to store the screen I've decided to leave it down.

So now I have a window that actually opens, and it's a seemingly endless source of bad but amusing ideas. I was already prone to looming over the street from my window when I was thinking about troubling things, without the screen in the way I'm free to genuinely loom over things.

There's also a bunch of power lines about four meters from my window, and no I'm not thinking of jumping to/from them, or putting things on them, or anything else that's more stupid than it is fun. The reason I brought them up was because birds rest on them, and it occurs to me that I could get a feeder and have birds rest of my windowsill.

I could eat those birds. Foolish trusting birds...

As creepy as that is, and I assure you I'm aware, there is one worse idea that keeps coming up. It's pretty common that there are miscellaneous U-district punks standing around outside doing things that are annoying loud at hours when I actually care. Every time I hear them I look at all the stuff on my window shelf and think about it. The bottles of water are one thing, but what's really bad is that there's a handful of firecrackers there whispering horrible nothings to the imp of the perverse.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Not so Live Blog

I find myself wondering once again why I'm listening to a presidential debate. I'm 15 minutes in and I've already heard enough bullshit that if I was talking to these people I would've walked out.

So I'm going to make it a little bit more fun.

I'm taking my inspiration from this video, which is both hilarious and an amazingly accurate summary of the VP debate.

The game is very simple. Every time McCain says Maverick, and every time Obama says hope, you take a drink.

Nobody Wins.

Friday, October 03, 2008


-Some time during the night last night I wrote something on my arm with a nearby dry erase marker. I discovered this while showering, so for the time being I know I was supposed to remind myself about "Old Caffeine"

-I just realized that flu medicine bottles come with shot glasses. I think there may be something profound in the fact that medicine and liquor are served in the same general manner.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Live Blogging, VP Debate

It is now 6:09, I started listening to the VP debate at 6:01, I've already found myself shouting at the stream 3 times, and I haven't heard anything that can't be summarized as either "Go Blue Team" or "Go Red Team"

I do wonder why I've chosen to listen to this

<6:18> Basic associative speech patterns to cause a perceived association between family and the private sector. Fun.

<6:27> I think I've got this figured out. There's a basic pattern to this. Palin says something that amounts to "John McCain is a God amongst men," and Biden responds with something that amounts to "Screw You."

<6:48> God Damnit Palin say NUCLEAR.

<6:52> Oh I'm sure you're proud of what Rice did in Israel. He tiyalti le ha'Aretz le-CANDEL!!!

<7:23> I love when people accidentally say "leave" instead of "lead"

<7:37> I almost like Biden. He isn't taking the massive load of shit that's being thrown at him, and he's almost on topic.