Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Necessary Cost

I sent a box of my stuff home, I came here with a full bag, and acquired more stuff while here. This means that me getting everything home in the luggage I have would be mathematically impossible. I had one issue though.

What? Those punks want $20 just to ship this one box? That's a dollar a pound just to ship this!
Max just pay it
Who Dares Question My Outrage!?!?
It is I! the one who remembers paying the $80 oversized luggage charge at the airport last winter.

Project Exodus

Let's talk apartments. If you have Google Earth, which I whole heartedly endorse, you can play along at home.

First of all I'd like to thank the stranger for directing me to From there I know I can get a single for $600-ish in cap hill. There are a lot of options that fit that bill, but my favorite is at 170 Melrose Ave E Seattle, 98102. I'm particularly fond of this location because of it's proximity to downtown, and because the place comes with free high speed internet.

There's a 2 bedroom pre-leasable for $925, so $463 to each, in a good location in the university district. 5227 Brooklyn Ave Seattle WA. Those of you playing the home game may notice that it's only two blocks from Safeway.

There's another 2 bedroom, University district, $850 so $425 each. 4212 Pasadena PL NE Seattle, 98105. It looks good but it's right on I5. That would mean great transit if I had a car, but it may also mean highway noise. I don't think the noise will bug me that much, but I haven't lived there yet so I can't say.

There's a 3 north of the U-Village, I list a 3 because of a set of unknowns that could align to a 3 being needed, for $1195, or $400 ish each. 3004 NE 55th St Seattle, 98105. To be honest I'm not that fond of this one, but the whole situation with the 3 is very complex. Amongst other things one of us would be going to school in federal way, and neither of the other two of us has a clear cut occupation for that time period yet. Like I said very complex.

Another option I'm going to put on the table is getting a roommate from the Stranger.

Oh, I really should've mentioned this earlier. The Stranger is a local underground free newspaper which is the best source of classifieds aimed at people in my economic bracket. It's also good as a newspaper, but I'll talk about that later.

Note to self. During summer go through blog and look up every instance where I said "I'll talk about that later" and make sure they're all actually covered.

Anyway, the stranger has adds along the same lines as the normal rentals, but these are people who are looking to split the bill. A few of them seem okay. How would I arrange that for September though... If I fall back to this I may have to do a one month stay in a single, or sleep in Kevin's back yard or something like that.

This plan gets less and less defined the further I go. It sets off my internal alarms but part of me wonders if this lack of stability will be good for me. There are so many things I do not know.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

It warms my weary soul

Origionally posted by Brian Clevinger 05/30/2006


"Okay, Mr. Clevinger. You'll just have to wear these while at the computer."

"You can't force your bodyware on me, man. Mine is the last free thinking mind of Earth!"

"Be that as it may, these glasses will help you see the screen clearer."

"Your only wish is to shackle my beauty! To see it wither and die behind a prison of lightweight plastics and two tiny port holes!"

"Mr. Clevinger, I'd like to emphasize that you don't actually need these glasses, they'll only help your eyes to work less throughout the day."

"My face isn't your slave, doctor! I have rights. I have dignity!"

"It's completely voluntary."

"You'll never own me!"

"I'm going to go back into my office now, Mr. Clevinger. Please leave before I call the authorities."

"Aww, but I really like how this pair looks on me."

Half Blood

This has been a long time coming, and it’s time to talk about it. It’s time to talk about it because as of 6:12 a.m. May 29th 2006 I am no longer the youngest of the children born to my father.

Yet I am still the youngest born to my mother.

The situation is tricky, but I don’t need to tell you that. Every time I speak of it, every time I write of it, and even now as I sit in my darkened room typing these words I feel my chest fill with a weariness that is beyond my years. How do I feel about her? I can not yet say. I will not hesitate to admit that I bear an unreasoned animosity towards my father’s wife. I have heard some say that she snatched him away, but I disagree. I think the decision was his, and she may have pulled him, but she did not force him. I could speak for hours on this subject without actually saying anything, and in this moment that would be a tantamount waste because that subject is not even what I am here to discuss.

The Half blooded. Ahh how I do enjoy my melodramatic lexicon. I’ve never met her, and as such I can not hate her. It is a rule I live by. However that rule is, as far as this discussion is concerned, moot. I don’t feel any initial animosity towards her. I do not think of her as my sister either though. Whether this is because of the immense age gap or this is because of our incomplete blood relation I can not say. I think of her in much the same way I think of my cousin Torrie. Torrie is a child that belongs to couple that is connected to, but separate from my family. She’s Kin, but she isn’t part of my Nuclear family. The Richard Anika couple isn’t part of my nuclear family either, even though Richard is.

That, in summary, is the nature of my relationship with the child, and the reason my relationship to her is awkward. I have a close connection to her father. I have an unreasoned grudge against her mother. That grudge shames me too. I don’t have any good reason not to like Anika, but this is a matter of love, and if I’ve learned anything it’s that love doesn’t have to have a reason.

Every rule is a double edged sword.

How will I fell about Anna when I meet her? And I assure you I will meet her. Some amongst me say that I’ll be immediately attracted because it will be a cute baby. Those people don’t understand the power of The Wall. Some say I’ll have an immediate blood affinity. They may be right, but that’s not a good basis for a relationship between me and this young one, because a blood relationship will only go half way. In the end I do not know, because there is one variable I can’t see past.

Will she bear the mark of her mother? Will my unreasoned contempt carry over? I’ve thought about this question a lot, I’ve spent many more hours thinking about this then this child has spent alive, but every time I think on this I find myself without a conclusion. I find myself as I find myself now, a world weary teenager; whose autumn years shall span the whole of his life.

Inane Giggling goes here

Monday, May 29, 2006

Project Exodus

Okay, I'm registered for PAX, I'm in for $40 on my current scheme. I hope this works out.


First of all, it stands for "The Matrix Online." Yes I've been playing it, and no I don't plan to continue playing it for very long. It's got... *sigh* It's got Matrix Game syndrome. Anyone who'se played "Enter The Matrix" knows what I'm talking about, but since I think none of you have I'll explain.

Enter the Matrix was a game with a lot of hype and huge potential. It was a pretty good game though, People will tell you it sucked becaues they were expecting a 10 but they got a 6, so they'll tell you it was a 2, but it wasn't. It had the potential to be a 10 too. It could've been great if they had just put a little more effort into it. They needed to polish a few things, tune some stuff, and do that last little bit of work. But they didn't, their 10 became a 6, and everything was ruined.

This same story is true of The Matrix Online. It could've been so great. It could've been amazing, but they screwed it up. This could've been a great game if they had just put in a little extra effort. Those Bastards.


As part of my PA spree that I've been on recently I tried carrot cake soup. For those of you who don't know Carrot Cake Soup is first shown in the strip that I've put a link to. The real story was the newspost though. The following is an exerpt from the time when Tycho was on vacation in europe and gabe was doing the newsposts.

Wed, June 11 2003 - 03:00 AM
by: Gabe

I feel like we know each other well enough that we can be honest with each other. I draw the pictures here at Penny Arcade. That's my job and I like to think I do it pretty well. Tycho is the one who writes the funny news posts that we have all come to enjoy so much each Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Sure there will be times when I chime in with the occasional anecdote but it's always just a side dish in relation to Tycho's main post. Like any side dish it's only good when accompanied by something a bit more…shall we say substantial. I enjoy corn for example but if that was all I had to eat for two weeks I'd get sick of it pretty fast. With that in mind I have deiced that rather than ladle another pile of corn onto your plates today I would instead serve you a…uh dish from the…yeah this food metaphor is getting away from me. The gist is I'm doing a best of Tycho tribute today. Like when a sitcom runs out of ideas and they throw together a flash back episode. So without further ado I give you…Carrot Cake Soup.

-Gabe out

Originally posted by Tycho on January 14th 2002

Long story short, I'm getting my chicken soup on, it's Sunday afternoon, and Gabe's reading some Preacher in the Den, which is also the living room, the bathroom, and the foyer. I am interacting with pasta dough in what I think is a stern way, when I hear him say that he might like the soup better if it were, in fact, carrot cake. It hits us, hits us both, simultaneously, like a semi made out of lightning which is also a professional boxer. Carrot Cake Soup. You cube the carrot cake, some pieces have frosting and some don't, and you put a handful of these chunks into a bowl full of milk. So let's go do it. We'll do it later this week, he says. But I know that's the same as not doing it. Why not now, I say? I know a store where we can get all the stuff. You can just buy it, the way you can buy stuff in the household cleaners section and make a bomb big enough to kill God. The stuff is just lying around there and nobody's doing anything with it. It's not a crime to buy them separately, and what we do at home isn't any of their fucking business.

I think someone might have been following us as we pulled into the parking lot, we walked toward the grocery store and tried to keep the conversation natural. We certainly didn't discuss carrot cake or the soup one might make by cutting it into cubes and swimming islands of it in cold milk, pleasure islands, like you'd see in a magazine. At the bakery counter, a woman asks if she can help me, and I'm so nervous that as I'm pointing to the carrot cake behind the glass, my finger starts to tap in Morse Code that reads:


And where is Gabe with that Goddamn milk? There he is, in the self-checkout. Idiot. There's cameras all over that thing, it's like a Goddamn surveillance tree. It doesn't take a genius to put two and two together. A red light flashes on, and off in my mind. At another checkstand, I pay with untraceable cash, assuring the woman that I will eat the cake by myself, without assistance from cows. I smirk. This woman has no idea that she's just sold me the trigger to a flavor gun. Carrot Cake Soup is like the taste of watching girls make out. It has an extraordinary power that oscillates between gentle and overwhelming, between light and dark, between pleasure and more pleasure. When it was over, I realized that I was panting. I was in possession of carnal knowledge. And I knew that, somehow, every taste beyond this point was in the service of the one that still lingered, waited, to remind me that nature has laws, and those that break them are criminals, and though they roam free enough the knowing will hold them, and keep them, until the last.

(CW)TB out.

I am not sure but I think he might be a genius. Don’t tell him I said that, I don’t need him going all Megatokyo on me and kicking my ass out. This comic is my gravy train and as long as he thinks I’m the star I can ride it from hell to breakfast.

-Gabe out

Everything they said is true. Carrot cake soup is a canrnal delight not reached since prometheous stole fire from Olympus, and Tycho is a genius.

God Damn I'm becoming a fanboy.

Sunday, May 28, 2006


Ya'know, I took the term Rage Mage from a D&D book, but I made up the other two, and I really like the sound of ArcaneInsane. Don't be suprised if you start getting AIM messages and Gmail e-mails from ArcaneInsane


I've feeling more draw to WoW and PA lately. It's weird. I'm also getting perilously close to joining the PA guild on the Dark Iron server in WoW.

In accordance with the pangs I'm going to tell another one of my fake war stories. This one concerns what I knew rather affectionately as the "Yippy-Skippy Mage Death Bridge" While this term isn't widespread, I'm pretty sure that if you asked how people feel about the "Yippy-skippy mage death bridge" in alterac valley they'd figure out what you're talking about. The YSMDB is the last leg of the trek to the alliance stronghold, so to me it was where we would stage our last ditch defense. It was also a place where I was a murderous God. The reason the YSMDB has Mage Death Bridge in it, is because I, as a mage, could target the entire bridge with my blizzard spell. This is compounded by the fact that I was an ice spec'd mage, so my blizzard would slow everyone it hit, and freeze them 35% of the time it hit them. It also did more damage then normal.

I wasn't the only mage either. All of the alliance mages knew this. So if one of the horde wanted to get to us they would have to wade slowed and frozen through our field of icy death.

But it gets better

I also, as an ice mage, had a damage shield that would let me soak one good hit. I used this to teleport into the middle of the horde pack that was trying desperately to make it across the YSMDB and cast frost nova. This freezes everything in a large radius around me, So now they're all stuck for another 10 seconds while my mage brethren continue raining fire and ice on them. Then I would Ice block, which makes me invincible but unable to act. It would give me time to recharge my teleport, after which I had a 50/50 chance of survival. It didn't' matter, I was the team's crazy guy, the magician without inhibition, the Arcane Insane, the Rage Mage.
And I loved it.

*sigh* good times.

Poor Choices

So at around 11 p.m. friday I was laying in bed trying to get to sleep.

It wasn't working. So I decided to start reading.

The lighting from my booklight wasn't good so I decided to turn on the overhead lights.

Well I got tired of reading so I got up to start using my computer.

So I'm already up using my comptuer might as well have a drink right?

Well my drinks empty I think I'll have another.
Well my drinks empty I think I'll have another.
Well my drinks empty I think I'll have another.

So now it's 2a.m. and I'm up and I've had 3 cokes. How the hell did that happen?

Pay for their crimes

I just saw the following in side of the page banner ad.

"G.E. CEO Jeffrey Immelt has pledged to "make coal sexy again" with a new set of enviro-friendly technologies"

G.E. CEO Jeffrey Immelt, If I ever meet you I'm going to kick you in the balls. Right Square In The Balls. The Bean Bag, The Mean Bean Machine. Just Kick. You were warned.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Project Exodus

Ugh. I have a plan, it's fairly well layed out, I think it will work, and I hate it. I don't hate any of the steps of the plan though, every step of it looks like something that'll either be fun or beneficial, but I can't jibe it with The Wall. The plan in official terminology is as follows.

Work over the summer to build up what I call my "Impact buffer"
Return to Seattle August 20th ish. The Day I actually arrive is hereafter known as the "Impact point"
Use Impact buffer to pay for initial rent/food/misc expenses
From Impact point until august 28th highly aggressive job hunt.
August 28-30 PAX
Assuming a job hasn't yet been acquired continue aggressive job hunt.
Once job is found allow a week or so to normalize into the schedule.
Once economic stability and housing have been reached proceed to the next stage.

The next stage is beyond the current active scope so don't bother asking what it entails because I don't fully know yet. The important thing is that when I look at this plan through my protective wall of bitterness I see a key flaw. My plan is essentially going here with a very limited life support and then hoping like hell that I manage to get stability. It's the textbook idea of the kid running off to some place with no real plan.

"Don't worry, I'll make it! I'm young and full of ambition."

Those people are just begging to be bitch slapped by reality. I don't want to be one of those people, but it seems like I might not have any other choice. I can't say for certain that this is what I'll do, but it's looking more and more like that's my end plan.

Power Source

I'm flipping through this weeks "The Stranger" a local alternative newspaper which I've found to be the best source of classifieds aimed at people in my income bracket. It's also a good paper on it's own, but that's a story for another time.

I think the Envelope people are screwing with me. How can they possibly afford to pay $5 per envelope stuffed. That's nuts. The job sounds good, too good, but it may also be mind numbingly insulating. I think I'd be better off with a job that forced me from my lair.

Oh! Internet data entry. Oh wait, no, that's exactly the same situation. It's suspicious for how much it pays and its bound to end up with me either A: Quitting because the job is soul crushing, or B: Making a fortune (from my POV anyway) then crashing because I've been doing data entry and watching stolen movie files of outdated TV shows for the last 30 continuous hours. There are other equally evil possibilities, but I shudder at the thought.

A key inhibitor in finding a job to get job experience is that everyone's looking for a worker who has experience. Doesn't anyone see the problem with this?! Come on people.

It seems that all of the jobs that are available to me are the menial jobs that I always see people in my socio-economic bracket doing. So why am I suprised? This is a titanic failure on my part. In either case, the nature of these jobs continues to be incompatible with my time delay stipulations.

Getting the Joke

(This post was written as I read through the wikki, so it may seem a bit disjointed)

Now that I've finished my test and abandoned my quest to get the ElotH books, a quest which I've deemed futile because I don't believe any such books actually exist, I'm taking a break and looking more thoroughly at the wiki. It's actually really funny. It becomes increasingly clear as you read it that the books, the comic, the catoon etc don't really exist, but rather the entire thing is a paradoy/mockery of all of the fantasy cultures combined. They have blurbs about each of the supposed books, and each of them is a mockery on some key running theme in the fantasy D&D story circut.

The evidence agaisnt the books existance mounts and mounts the more I read. Amongst other things it seems to indicate that every book was rejected by the fans as being a letdown or a preversion of their beloved series. I understand that fanboys will take a lot of punishment, but thats more then they can handle.

The site uses an amazing array of psuedo words which people can understand only if they have an above average grasp on the English language, and a warped (or at least highly malleable) view on reality. This is true to Tycho's style, which reinforces my belief that he created the wiki. Some of these pseudo words are also things that have appeared in Penny arcade. Not many but a few. Others are names that are deliberatley similar to famous fantasy novel characters.

Raven darkblood. That's an obvious refrence to Gabes creation "Dr. Raven Darktalon Blood," a character created to be a comicly overdone dark anti-hero vaguely evil protagonist.

Hah! They're not even trying anymore. When I googled "Doctor Raven Darktalon Blood" to try and find which PA strip mentioned him (In my quest to get a better description) one of the hits appears in the ELotH wiki.

A Longsword +pi is mentioned, a classic D&D joke.

There are a few lists of 100, I've found 2 thus far. One is a single characters 100 titles, the other is a list of 100 swords. Both are quite funny. I'm particularly fond of K'x'k'xiqlt, The Difficult to Pronounce.

Sepathok is also known as Sabermoff, a name which gabe uses to incorrectly refrence Sephiroth, the prime antagonist from FFVII and another famous fantasy character. The wiki is full of refrences like this. I'm actually having a lot of fun with it because it's intellectually stimulating to my insanity. It's food for warped and nonsensical thought.

Some of the writing style commentaries are hilarious. Things like "Fields of random puncutation" and entire chapter entitled simply "Muffin" that consists entirelly of semi-colons, and supposedly book 10 "is best know for its unique format. Namely, that the entire work is written in a series of Villanelles that transition freely between English, French, Latin, Hebrew, Morse Code, Aramaic, and the guttural yawns of Wookiees (known as Shyriiwook)"

This of course seals the case on the "is this an actual book" debate, but it's funny nonetheless.

Actually, this whole ELotH thing is amazingly similar to the supposed 5 movie series that was supposed to be based on Dr. Raven Darktalon Blood. Judging how nothing ever came of that, and there haven't been any production updates etc. I'm assuming that was fake too. I never trusted that to begin with though. I think that the essential nature of it is that they both got to do this one big fantasy world thing, Gabe had Dr.RDtB and Tycho had ELotH:TES. I like it, I'm just suprsied I hadn't heard any ranting on the subject before now.

Epic Legends of The Heirarchs

This is a long story, which I, for the pleasure and leisure (it rhymes if you pronounce the same way I do) of my audiance shall condense. As you all know I have a certain infatuation with the works of on Keith Gerald "Tycho" Holkins, whose real name is more commonly phrased as Jerry Holkins, which is based on a contraction of his middle name. There was no reason, per se, to include that bit of obscura, but I feel it sufficent to show that the so called infatuation borders on obsession.


He claims in his newsposts to have written a 13 book cycle of fantasy novelles, the cycle altogether is known as The Epic Legends of The Heirarchs: The Elemenstor Saga. I've looked long and hard over the internet equivelent of both hill and dale, and I have plunged every nook and every known cranny trying to find more information on this cycle, and possibly a retailor for said cycle. My conclusion is that it's a complex ruse, the cycle dosn't actually exist, and neither does the plagaristic opposite "The Song of The Sorcelator." This evil equal opposite is supposedly written by L. H. Franzibald. It is said that "the retarded doppleganger responsible for these perversions - could no more compete with me than could my pale shadow mount and subsequently impregnate a galloping giraffe. It is analogies like this for which I am well known." It is genius like this that has inspired my affinity for Tychos work. Turning once again to the dark counterpart; from my new much more distrusting stance I can see that the name is balanced enough to be funny without being obvious. The portrait of his character that is painted is textbook douche, but in my humble opinion it's too texbook.

Those of you who will point me to the wiki for information should turn away now. Take your shattered hopes and dreams that you may collectively huddle in your respective corners and cry. The Wiki is also part of the ruse. It all fits too well. My argument can be best summed in this e-mail I have composed to the Brahe himself.

From: Max Willson (
To: Tycho (
Subject: ELotH

I apologize for my english, which as you'll subsequently find out is signifigantly less then the Kings, but I'm in a state that lies somewhere deliciously between confusion and outrage. I've looked heavily into the ELotH stuff, including the wiki, and after delving through what I must say is a quite nearly sublime display of madness, madness as an underappreciated art form, I've become convinced of one thing.

You're fucking with me.

Readiation dosn't show up, ELotH only shows up on it's own wiki, your announced intention to write it happened over 5 years after the supposed publishing of the first book, and the books aren't for sale on Amazon, or E-bay, or any other of the fine intraweb sites that allow me to acquire literary delicacies without departing my darkened lair. All of this leads me to one key conclusion. The entire thing was some form of joke. Let's call it a joke and not a horrible horrible betrayal, because that would require that I emerge from my darkened lair to bring upon you my unique brand of fat sweaty Ire.

I do so distest emerging from the lair.

Upon further review, and after a rather dramatic instance of venting in which I leapt bodily from my chair, hurling it to the ground, and thrust my accusatory finger at my computer screen; then proceeded to decalre the world but much more so to my sleeping roomate that "Someone is Fucking With Me!!!" I've decided that I'm not really all that mad. It's a good trick, and I can see how you could have a lot of fun with this. I ask only one thing. Confirmation. I need to know that this is indeed a clever ruse on your part so that my insidious curiosity can be thusly slated, and I can restrain myself from digging through a used book store fantasy bin to feed a hunger that has long since ceased being about the actual and has become a dire need to know.

-Max Willson

Thursday, May 25, 2006


I want everyone to read the first 3 paragraphs of this.

Dad your excempt because you sent me the article in the first place.

DIGITALIS!!! *semi-empileptic outrage based seizures and mono-syllabic expresssions of rage* There is no font size large enough, no italic jagged enough to express my outrage at this. Digitalis is a weapon. It's in the same medical catagory as ARSENIC It's one of those things where the doctor says "Okay, flip a coin, and take this. Heads your cured, tails your dead." And if you get a 50/50 chance with it your lucky. How could they let something like that slide? That's not simple incompetatnce, thats failure on a cartoonish level. The only things I can think of that compare all take places in scenes from Family Guy.


Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Project Exodus

Good news. There isn't any bueracracy involved in taking the gap year. The process is started by simply not signing up for any classes, when I go back I need to file a student re-enrollment form, but this is another one of those "burn down that bridge when I get to it" situations. I've added a "May 07, file student re-enrollment form" item to my google desktop to do list. If my homework is any indicator that won't help at all, but I have to try damnit.

The Deamon King

This is an AIM conversation I had with Yonaton a while ago. It's a funny story for everyone who isn't me, and I almost lost this story. I manged to find it in one of my obscure gmail accounts, I place it here for my records.

Max Willson: yonaton when and if you get this message I need help. I saw a roach, blowgunned it, and have a serious serious problem. I now have a roach pinned to the carpet in teh living room. It's still squirrming too. That's what freaks me out the most. It's got 4 pieces of metal the length of its entire body pierced through it. It also has assumed a disturbingly "Jesus on the Cross" look. I'd feel bad if I wasn't so freaked out. So, in essence, how do I manage to remove the roach that I'm still extremelly scarred of while it's sittting there being cruicified on the carpet of the living room
*** Auto-response sent to Max Willson: 713-725-9413
Max Willson: ok, this has gone from bad to worse, I decided to behead it with a knife from teh nearby kitchen in order to silence the unholy monster. It worked perfectly, but its headless body is still flailing HOLY SHIT MAN. Seriously if you have any idea how to kill these things let me, because I've tried everything short off firearms, and my Moms 37 special is looking more and more tempting
Max Willson: on the plus side without a head it no longer looks like the crucified messiagh
Max Willson: What kind of creature is this? I've cut it into three pieces and even as I gathered the torn remains it fought
Max Willson: It fought on an on against the overwhelming foe
Max Willson: Turely this is the beast of hell. It was no mistake that they were given the ability to survive the nuclear apocalypse, for they shall be the swarm kings of the damnation that follows
Max Willson: May God have mercy on us all
me: i'm saving that
me: LOL
me: Josh and I love it
Max Willson: Thank you
Max Willson: I've managed to deal with it
Max Willson: but I'm pretty sure I'm having at least one nightmare about the rapture and then being subverted to the roach overlords
me: lol
me: u are the man
Max Willson: Considering I'm a sweaty hevily disheveled person who took 40 minutes a blowgun 6 darts and a butchers knife to kill a roach, I agree
Max Willson: because I killed the Demon king
me: lol
Max Willson: I'll feel triumphant once the motral peril wears off
me: lol
me: ok i need to run for a bit, but i am copying this convo to an email since josh loves it so much

The Stench of Failure

Every time I read my own blog I'm struck suddenly by the fact that I can write better then this. I then rise up as a being not only filled with, but made up of, artisitic drive.

Then I realize that I don't really care and go back to wasting my time in some equally fruitless endevor.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Patron Saint


I’ve always like them, and I’ve always had a knack for the Sims of them. I can hearken back, something I rarely get to do, to a time in my childhood when I played Sim copter. It was a stranger and massively different time, a time before I had discovered angst. I’m not sure if this ability would transfer over to an actual helicopter, but I can say confidently that I’m more then proficient in the use of a video game one.

This is especially true in battlefield 2. I’ve heard time and time again that it’s supposed to be impossible to fly them, but for me it just flows. When I’m in the proverbial groove my flying is as unto poetry written in fire and speed across the sky.

Okay I’m getting a little bit of gamer arrogance there, but the point is that I’m good.

The other point is that I need to find someone who knows how to be a freaking damn gunner.

I could get into a full rant here, but I’m going to stop and mull on a different semi-related point.

I’ve been in the world of gaming for quite some time now, and I’ve noticed that it’s fully of arrogance, bravado, and people shouting over little unnecessary inconviences. It’s also full of people who don’t recognize that the problem isn’t their teammates, or their gear, it’s them. I’ve also noticed that the last part of this rule immediately evaporates when I’m complaining about my teammates or gear. Amazing isn’t it?

Hypnotic Pattern

I’ve said on more then one occasion that I have a certain fondness for Jerry Holkins, better known as Tycho. While I think just slapping the label of Fan Boy on me and sending me on my merry little way may still be a legitimate option, I think it’s a bit more legitimate then that. I’ve always felt a sort of connection to him, someone I recognize as being someone like me. I’ve done things like this more then once. And I’ve always felt the relationship shown in the second panel of this is a good analogy to my life. In this one Tycho is me, and the rest of the world, the masses if you will, is Gabe.

For those of you who don’t share my hobby/obsession Gabe is the one in the yellow pac-man shirt. If you can’t figure out the rest of it by the process of elimination you’re no longer allowed to read this blog.

If you’ve been around me long enough you’ve probably heard my bitter emo lamentations on the predictability of humanity, and my incredibly arrogant belief that I can file people into various patterns. The fact that I recognize that this patterning is also true of myself may mitigate my egotism somewhat. It may even mean that this is just another manifestation of poor self esteem; I’m not here to discuss this kind of stuff though.

I have another data point to support the patterning effect. Look at Tycho’s Desk. You'll have to scroll down but it's there.

Most of you have seen the way I live. It’s creepy how similar the two are isn’t it? I attribute it to a disconnect between reality and the world in which people that fall into this pattern live. A form of introversion seems to be a running theme. I think those two aspects are connected

Monday, May 22, 2006

Project Exodus

The whole "Job" Frontier is being heavily marred by the fact that I want a job three months from now. The most common response I get is "Well, I can't guarantee anything, but ask again in September." It's annoying, but it's also exactly what I thought would happen. That fact annoys me even more.

Housing... I've got some good leads, and I'm going to start the "Actually looking for housing" phase soon. I've discussed
No that's not true,
I've talked to,
No that's not true either,
I've exchanged a short series of E-mails with Kevin about rooming together, I'm not sure either of us has committed to it yet but it sounds like a great arrangement to me. He provides valuable knowledge about the area and I...

Anyway I've got a few places I'm going to look into, Everything fits my minimum requirement of being "Better then the dorms" but most places that aren't actively on fire are better then the dorms. I'm going to try to live in one of the areas surrounding the UW area, and possibly still within the UW area.

I've also decided that when I come back up here it'll be best to do it in a truck. I just got done cleaning my room and it's abundantly clear that I've got too much stuff. I'm planning on mailing at least one box of stuff home, because I don't think it can all be stowed safely in the overhead compartment.

I've also got another non-confirmed half arraigned deal with Kevin to store My Eric's Fridge in his garage over the summer, along with my TV, and possibly a few other items. I'll probably pay him/his parents rent for it, but it shouldn't be too much.

All that said I have a few grim realizations, and a horribly self indulgent proposition.

Realization 1: If I can't get a job several months in advance, I may have to get my job after moving back to Seattle.

realization 2: This means I'll be leaching off my parents for a month, in addition to any partial leaching I do in following months.

Assuming I have to give in to those, I'd like to point out one more thing. My schedule is no longer dictated by UW quarters, so I can come back to Seattle slightly earlier then originally planned. Which means I can go to PAX. Some of you may recall my ranting at not being able to go to PAX the last two years, and my wail of anguish when I realized that despite living in Seattle I'd still miss it. I was going to miss it again because it starts August 26th.

With a great clamor and an utterance of most profound grief I did wail.

Well now nobody is telling me that I start at the end of September. So what's to stop me from going earlier, leaching for a month-ish while I job search, and finally getting to go to PAX?

The fact that this plan is self-indulgent tripe. I can't square the fact that my 'rents would be paying my way for 2 weeks or so.


I can accumulate money over the summer, I've already got plans to get one of these "Job" things during that most damned period of heat and light. If I can save up a months rent, I can go...

I've got a lot more scheming, and possibly some conniving, to do, but I like this idea more and more as I think about it. Due diligence requires me to point out that it's probably only because the idea lets me go to PAX, but... Well screw that guy, I want to go to PAX damnit.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

False Alarm

It was just sleep deprivation, I'm doing fine now.


I'm playing as the americans more often nowadays. Well, in the last few hours. I don't tell to call it that through, rather then saying I'm playing "As an american" I tend to say I'm playing as "Team America" This has a lot to do with the fact that I have the song "America, Fuck Yeah" in my iTunes list. There's something deeply satisfying about ripping up a bunch of anonymous saudis with your SAW (M192SAW Chaingun, 200 rounds per clip, emptys a clip in 5 seconds, Accuracy sold seperately) with that playing in the back.

Battlefield 2, Fuck yeah!

Saturday, May 20, 2006


I may be crossing my stories here, but Rasputin was the one who was hung shot poisoned etc. and otherwise generally impossible to kill right? I know that that person was the one who first created the phrase "Death is but a door, Time is but a window, I shall return." That was Rasputin right? The nearly immortal archmage of inhuman strength who lived long ago in russia.

Well knowing that, Knowing who he is, I advise you all to listen the song "Ra Ra Rasputin" It's hilarious.

Oh, and for the record, they threw his corpse in a river, it was never found. He'll totally be back, if he isn't already here. And when he does and we all live under his superpowered tyrannical boot just remember that I called it.

7 Con

I haven't slept well this... week. I'm not feeling so good.

I got...

you go....

You have no idea.



Never buy sushi from 1101.

Thusly PWND

I'm still recovering from the madness that is ytmnd, It's all of the crazy shit that makes up the internet supercharged. Take it all then pump it up light it on fire and inject it directly into your brain.

The thing I'm enjoying the most though is the PTKFGS. For those of you who don't recall PTKFGS is the parallel universe to YTMND. It's neat to see these variations which have the same basic pinciple, I think it helps me in my quest to show people that these things are devoid of any real value.

I'd like to take a break not to talk to you about owls. I like owls. I like birds in general. One of my favorite pictures of owls is based around a cheap back and forth which is the "O RLY? YA RLY! NO WAI!!!" thing. It's worth note that the first time I saw it was a back and forth between the first two owls, but the third one which is normally shocked and says "NO WAI!" was replaced by an intellectual owl who said "Fascinating" I liked that better. Nonetheless they've done some pretty clever things with the current setup, and some of them at least have managed to keep things classy.

I'd like to take a third break (I took a stealth break while you weren't looking) and talk about cats. Cat faces really. Cat's can make some of the craziest faces. And it makes for hi-larious pictures. And I'm glad to see that they've meshed that to create something which I consider genius satire.

Scratch that. Genius satire first requires semi-intelligent base material. This is as far above the base as the satire can get, making it moderately intelligent satire.

Now that I've indulged that I'd like to get big picture on you. I've said time and time again that the rate of societal change is changing. It's getting faster. As our ability to spread information gets faster we gain the ability to have a worldwide phenomena occur over the course of a day, cheap snippits that appeal to the widest market suddenly have an audience of ten million a week after they were created. Celebrity status is achievable nearly instantly through stupidity and luck.

This has done great and terrible things for the abomination that is the fad. I'm a native denizen of the internet. Being one of the multitude of self agrandizing heavily embittered whinny pseudo-Goth people who isn't satisfied with reality I spend a lot of my time in alternate realities, essentially all of which are realized through the internet in one way or another. I've seen fads wash over my homeland. I would oppose them but I think it's the only thing holding us together, but I feel that we've made the mistake of carrying them with us after we leave our little playground. When you have some fun on the internet with stupid stuff like this yeah, sure, that's fine, but If you allow them to have some significant effect on you you're setting yourself up for a fall, because the Fads are getting faster. Every week there's some new flash animation made by some douche in his parents basement that everyone is posting about. People then hop onto their forums and get emotionally invovled in this. The emotional damage doesn't go away when the person logs off, and it builds up over time. I know people who would collapse if they suddenly realized the impermanence of their online achievements. People who have as the basis of their self esteem the respect of their forum peers. Now that things are moving faster they're doomed to fail. The only ones who rise to success are those who have gone far beyond addiction, and have reached a state of emotional symbiosis with the online world of their choice, bet it game or forum based. The elite grows smaller and smaller but those who are emotionally dependent on it do not. What's going to happen to these people? They can't last like this.

Allow me to say this in my peoples native language.

Society has set them up the bomb, and they aren't prepared to emotionally move zig.

Don't worry if you didn't understand that.

Wow, you know my original intent of this post was to be a meditation on my affinity for satire, and a theorization that I draw more joy from the mockery/parody of things then from the actual things. I'm not sure how I got into this manifesto on societal advancement speed running over humanities emotional frailties, but I guess it's an equally valid topic of discussion.

I'm going to go to sleep now.

Thursday, May 18, 2006


[Warning Essentially Nobody But Me Will Understand Everything In This Post]
[Warning, Parental digression Advised]

I can't properly express through text the message I have. The only proper way would be a repeating animated Gif of Invader Zim dropping to his knees and screaming MADNESS!!! As he does at various times over the course of the show. It would only work if it had audio too.

The closest summary I can give you is I kind of advise against you going there, its... I've tried to think of an artful way to say this, but all poetry and prose fails me, it is the insanity of the internet so perfectly refined. The only proper phrase to describe it is "Fuck Damn Loco." It blends the obscure, the outdated, the pop, the underground, everything. It's reached the point of self commentary and blown it away. There is self commentary on the Self commentary.

It all started with a website that was just an image of Sean Connery pointing and a repeating Wav file of him saying "You're The Man Now Dog" There are now well over a thousand creations along the same premise. Some of them are genius, some of them have extremely amusing stories to tell, some of them a dross. The Site has a forum, but given the nature of this site, and my "Third Barrel" theory I'm not even going to touch that shit.

The Third barrel Theory, which I don't remember if I've mentioned before goes like this. If you took all of the content of the internet and put it in a barrel, then got the bottom of that barrel and put it in a second barrel, got the bottom of that barrel and put it in a third barrel, the bottom of that third barrel would be forums.

I've listed a few of the ones that I enjoy and I think could have wider market appeal as well

Safety Not Guaranteed

Take That Myspace

Sunshine Day

Future Conan

Not Funny but a very important story

Stole My Bike

The whole "Stole My Bike" thing is redone a million times. In fact everything on that site has a remake of itself, and alterations, parodies etc. That's one of the reasons it's so.... Fuck Damn Loco. I'm sorry but that's the only way you can properly describe this. This is also particularly true of the safety Not Guaranteed, and Future Conan things. I'll show you

Future Conan remake

Saftey Not Guaranteed remake

Stole my Bike counter post

They can also make things that mock the entire list of running themes

Like This.

Or This

Then they've got people who question the very action of doing this

They've also got this theory that if they could've used a diffrent line from Connery in the first post. Which has lead to all kinds of PTKFGS posts which are variations on recurring YTMND recurring themes. There's even a summit to resolve the two warring factions.

Also, check this out, It's freaky

And this one uses footage from E3, which was less then a week ago. It's a clip from the Teaser of Super Smash Brothers 3. It's also my favorite one that I've seen thus far. Before I post the link to it I must warn that the original reason I added a "Parental digression Advised" warning was for this one, you were warned.

The Greatest!

Once again, and in conclusion. The only proper way to describe this site is


I think most people, those who understand it anyway, will immediately say that it's genius, or immediately say it's madness, but both would agree that it's also the other.


Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Video Games, Politics, and Brutality

Remember battlefield 2? If you don't scroll down, it's there somewhere. In addition to being able to play as the Chinese, and I mentioned before, you can play as the MEC, or Middle East coalition. Knowing what I do about Middle Eastern politics I think it's just as valid to call the MEC the Saudis as it is to call the Coalition of the Willing the Americans, but that's a whole separate rant.

One of the levels in BF2 is called "Gulf of Oman" I haven't checked, but I'm pretty sure that the Gulf of Oman is a real place near the Persian Gulf in Saudi Arabia. The level itself is amazingly similar to what actual American troops are dealing with in Iraq. It's an Arab village, you fight door to door, and safe cover is rare and usually insubstantial. It's an incredibly chaotic battle as well. I've been in a position of absolute confidence as me and 5 other troops perforate the American infidel and take back a key outpost, then an Abrams M1A2 tank rolls onto the scene and the entire balance of power is shifted. Its a combat scenario which is just brutal. I've been on both ends of the "X has to cover this 20' span, but Y is perched in one of the many windows with a 20.06 snipers rifle waiting for him to come out from behind that overturned jeep" I've also been in the "My friend X has to cover this 20' but Y is perched in one of the many windows with a 20.06 snipers rifle waiting for him to come out from behind that overturned jeep, but Y is paying too much attention to his scope and not enough attention to the other person (me) inside the building leveling an MP5 at his head."

From my perspective it's brutal, and my perspective is that of someone who won't actually die as a result of these situations. It makes me feel for the American soldiers. I'm still mad at whatever clandestine cabal it is that's directing bush and lead to the current war, but I feel bad for those who are just doing their duty, and getting put through brutal situations because of it.


I know what your thinking (because I'm Mentok! The Mind Taker) Didn't Max quit his dangerous addiction to DDO for his dangerous addiction to CoV. And wasn't his dangerous addiction to DDO his methadone after his Incredibly Dangerous (see I'm making progress) addiction to WoW.

Yes all of those things are true. However I still keep up with what's going on development wise in both DDO and WoW. WoW is a game with entirelly too much potential and is going to get even better (the precious calls to me, they're finally retuning mage talents, yesssss preciousss *Golem* *Golem*) and DDO is a game with amazing potential that needs to polish out the fine details of it and fill in a few key holes. Anarchy online on the other hand is a game that is being systematically destroyed by it's own game developers, but that's not the point, the point is DDO.


Well that's the biggest hole filled. Solo play was the weak link in it's grand chain. Adding the drow though.. They're just doing that to tempt me. When I played D&D online through chat rooms I was drow. I've always liked the drow. Damn them.


Have you guys heard about the Wii? Probably not, have you heard about the Nintendo Revolution? If you have the latter and not the former then I have some very painful news for you.

The renamed the revolution the Wii.

*single tear*

While I've already signed 8 online petitions to get it changed back, the poor labeling hasn't done much to stifle my excitement over this system. Nintendo is taking a step back from the "Infinite +1" style conflict that Microsoft and Sony are in which consists basically of making the exact same game with better graphics over and over again. Nintendo's new system, which I'm still going to call the revolution (with the exception of the calling the remotes wiimotes) is going to change things. The wiimote isn't like a traditional game controller. If you've seen an X-box 360 remote you know that it's freaking damn complex. 2 analogs trigger buttons, another array of buttons. It's a huge learning curve to pick one up. The wiimote will not only be simpler button wise, but will have motion sensitivity. While the PS3 will have graphics that have a higher resolution then real life, I think the revolution will still be more immersive because it's improving the way you interact with the game world. The wiimote also has a port on one end of it, so that you can change up how the wiimote itself works by adding new components. I see an amazing level of potential in this. I'm certain too that when those magic two words come to the front we will see a Revolution in game play.

Dance Pad

Dance pad you say? Bullocks! You say. I know you say it I can hear you. By the way you can save a fortune on long distance calls you make to me if you just speak slowly and clearly into your mouse pad. For everyone who doubts this I have one thing to say

Bushido Blade 3.

A game where your swords hilt is the wiimotes motion sensitivity and the movement of your warrior is determined by your steps on the dance pad.

If that's not enough, I'd like to bring one very important note to the forefront. Lightsaber. If you read any of the star wars books, which are IMHO better then the movies, you'll see a lot of rants on lightsabers being so tricky because the blade doesn’t way anything. Well the nonexistent blade on the end of the motion sensitive wiimote doesn’t weigh anything either. If Lucas arts doesn’t jump on I'm going to have to go beat them with my plastic lightsaber until they do. In fact I'll go buy a force FX lightsaber and beat them with that until they do.

It's true that I'll only do that because I need an excuse to buy a force FX lightsaber, but I won't think about that until after I have my lightsaber.

What was I talking about? The Revolution! Right. I'm going to get one, it's going to be great, and I’m not going to call it a Wii.

Hallowed Be His Name

I missed physics today. I missed it for a very good reason.

When I came out of psych there were anti-abortion protesters demonstrating in red square. My first thought was to simply pass them by, but I know that if I didn't stand up for my view then in time my view would be destroyed.

I confronted them civilly. I approached one, and started talking. I tried reason. I tried reason for an hour in the sun. Over the course of that hour I watched them as they preached hatred, and avoided questions and never gave me a straight answer. Over the course of this hour there were others who intervened. Most of them did not act as civilly as I did, but I'd like to think that my presence as an opposition gave them the strength they needed to speak. I don't think their tactic of shouting is getting anything done, but I'm glad people are speaking. Before long a crowd formed. I was no longer alone in my efforts. They continued to be adamant and unreasonable, we resorted to quoting the bible and they were still adamant and unreasonable. Every time they quoted the bible I made sure to check it, each of them had a bible on their belt, and while they were correct in their sources I stand fast in my decision to hold them to it.

When things really began to change was when I was joined by a man whose name I have lamentably forgotten. He's a 21 year old African American janitor, born to a single parent who was addicted to drugs. He's an assistant pastor, and he preached the love of Christ, and love of God, he knew much more impressive bible quotes then us, he was an amazing speaker.

This next part is going to get a bit mystical, but it happened, and it must be recorded.

When he spoke, when he preached God's infinite love and mercy, I could feel the presence of God through him.

I've felt it only a few rare times, and it is an amazingly powerful thing. It has brought me to my knees, it has brought me to my tears, but it is not a bad thing, it's glory is overpowering, and it's beauty is beyond mortal comprehension. I have felt it through another person only once before. It was when Rabbi Weiss blessed us shortly before graduation. You may not understand this, but a blessing is a much bigger deal to a rabbi, priests bless people on a routine basis, but the role of the rabbi is first and foremost that of a teacher. For one to bless you is truly a rare occurrence. I felt it through this man as well, and I can say without drama or deception; I say with absolute humility that this man is a Holy Man.

He was inspiring, and I am honored to have heard him speak.

Bad Thoughts

The best of part of waking up is realizing that it's 5 a.m. and you have a test in 6 hours but you can't get back to sleep.

Wait a second. Something about that sounds wrong...

I'd say that I tend to have trouble sleeping before tests, but I have trouble sleeping often enough anyway that I'm not willing to say that it's conclusively tests. It could just be a statistical annomally.

Moving on

I passed a flyer for a self defense course which had, as part of it's ad, the phrase "A woman is raped every 46 seconds." I couldn't stop my internal hecklers from having fun with that phrase, as horrible as it may be.

Wow. Ya'know I'm no expert but I would've thought that it takes at least a full minute for someone to be raped.
And when does that woman sleep? If she's getting raped every 46 seconds she must be really tired.
Well that's probably why they can do it so fast. After the first hour or so of being raped every 46 seconds you probably stop fighting back.

Part of me is ashamed of thinking of these things, but a much more signifigant part of me still thinks they're funny. It's horrible, but it's still funny

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

A New Hope

After they wang vanguard for us, there may yet be hope

Rock and a hard place (both of which are inserted into your colon)

I was really excited about the game Vanguard when I first heard about it, but I've got nothing but bad news. It's not even that the game designers are messing things up, It's that the people who publish games seem to hate games.

It's summed up best here.


Hahhaha! I'm about to make $10.

A long time ago I bet someone, I don't remember who, $10 that the world would end in the year 2000. I was just doing it to play devil's advocate. I don't remember who either, It may have been Ted or Josh, or possibly Joel. I don't think I ever paid them either. That's not the point, the point is I was right. There's a long story as to why, but I can sum it up really quickly. Google the phrase "Peak Oil"

We're all doomed.

And when did it start? The Year 2000.

Monday, May 15, 2006


Sunday, May 14, 2006


Tom goes to mayor gets a new season, and Mission hill gets cancelled.


Does not compute

Coca Cola= Good
Black = Good
Coca Cola Black = Dear God Why?

The Syndrome strikes again.

Thursday, May 11, 2006


For the records

I'm going to blank, or a least mostly blank my facebook accounts quotes list. I do this mostly in the spirit of change, and I want to preserve the quotes that were already there. Feel free to read them for your own amusement.

"The male body is a democracy. The Brain gets one vote, and each of the balls gets one vote. I'm not preverted, I just keep getting out voted."
-Max Willson

"The Universe is God's Calvinball"
-Max Willson

Jesus, the one black jewish guy all conservatives love
-Max Willson

Nothing happened, and it was Awsome
-Max Willson / Shlomo Abrams

Chronomancy, because why do today, what you already did tomorrow
-Max Willson

Mx-Co, The post apocalyptic future, Today!
-Max Willson

I'm forced to love Mx-Co! -Another satisfied Mx-Co customer
-Brendon Faithfull.

You wouldn't hit a man with glasses woul you?
No, I'd use my fist
-Stephen "Shlomo" Abrams

"I wonder how many vampire hunters I can kill before it offends Jesus personally"
-"Uncle Charlie" the malkavian

"It's just as true today as when I started. When in doubt, set something on fire."
-Belkar, Rich Burlew, Giant in the Playground.

"Rectum, Damn near killed im! ... And that's the story of how I became a Paladin"
-Rich Burlew, Order of the stick.

"Witty closing remarks have been replaced by massive head trauma and severe hemorraging."
-Johnny the Homocidal Maniac, Johanen Vasques

"and this is why you should not drink when you post. or be stupid. or in shiney's cause do both while your mother is a whore."
-Viper Daimao

"He's not a real person. He's dead on the inside, like prostitutes."
-Tiffany Forsythe

"Son, let me tell you the key to holding on to a woman, You must build from a foundation of trust and understanding, if that dosn't work tell you have have a tumor. Either way the key word is growth."
-The Critic

"Some People Play Tennis. I Erode The Human Soul"
-Tycho Brahe

"The Body isn't willing, but the mind has no choice!"
-Fillerbunny, Johanen Vasquez

"We live in a democracy where we have to channel our hatred into approved republican candidates."
-Steven Colbert

Project Exodus

I’ve done a lot of research today, and I’ve learned several things. It looks like $700 is the standard rate for apartments around here, but a lot of those are two bedrooms so I could split it with someone. Also it’s 4k for a single room for a quarter at the dorms, or 3.4k for a double. So the rent on the dorms is roughly $1,000 a month, and for that much you really should get something better then this, but it’s the convenient option. It’s just like the overpriced mediocre (tops) quality food downstairs. It’s not good, but it’s too damn convenient. So when I come back to UW (Remember, Gap year, not dropping out) I plan to live off campus.

I’ve found a few potential places to do unskilled/semi-skilled labor. I don’t think I can find one at an alternative medicine/spiritual healing center but that was a pipe dream anyway. The days of the apprenticeship are gone, now its 4 years of training then an internship, which is basically the modern term for apprenticeship.

One thing I haven’t decided on is whether or not to take that one class per quarter I’ve been thinking about. I still plan on going towards a Pharm. D. degree. Required credits for application are:

General Biology with Labs 15 credits
General Chemistry with Labs 15 credits
Organic Chemistry with Labs 15 credits
English Composition 10 credits
Calculus 5 credits (Finished already)
Statistics 5 credits
Microbiology with lab 5 credits
Humanities Electives 10 credits (I think I have 5 already)
Social Science Electives 10 credits (I think I have 5 already)

This is essentially two full years at UW, assuming I continue taking 3 classes a quarter after my gap year. I may have to take more, we’ll see. In addition to these credits I’ll need to take a PCAT (Pharmacy College Admissions Test) but I’ll burn down that bridge when I come to it.

As far as learning the alternative medicine it’s a trickier situation. The Seattle Gnostic center looks interesting, but it’s mostly self development rather then training in applied practice. There are classes in Kekumu here as well though (Hawaiian mana healing techniques) which look interesting. There’s also a huge amount to be learned through books and practice. I’m considering setting up another herb garden; something more diverse and better tended then my last one though. I have a lot of thoughts but nothing conclusive yet though.

I’ll post more as I develop it.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Worthy Quotes

From the CoV Foums
"If life is a highway, and love is a battlefield, does loving your life make you Mad Max?"

Hours of entertainment

So I'm healthy as of mid day yesterday. I got an unreasonable amount of sleep, and woke up around 1 feeling fine. Better then average actually, becasue I'd just gotten a lot of sleep. Anyway, because I woke up that early I didn't take my concerta. I've found in the past that when you take it that late you'll tend to stay up too late, sleep in too late, and take it late again. Mom may recall a period over the summer where I was awake between hours of 3 p.m. and 4 a.m. every day for around a week.

I tend to learn lessons the hard way.

Anyway, I'm healthy, I'm caffinated and I'm off to my physics tutorial. Now before now I hadn't put too much stake in the "Max is A.D.D." pool. I thought I was mildly add and mildly biopolar. After that tutorial I have to put more points into the ADD pool though. You see the tutorial was about magnetic fields. I learned this last march in Spenner's class, so I wasn't properly intellectually stimulated. What I did find amazingly stimulating was cupping my hand, and placing three cylindrical magnets in it such that one was at the bottom, and the other two were up the walls of the cup. Furthermore I could pull one out, and the two remaining would form equilibrium, then I could replace the one I'd taken out anywhere, and the whole system would resume it's orgional equilibrium.

That's the long way of saying it. The shorter, and probably much more acurate way is "Non contact forces rule!" I did end up using the magnets as part of the tutorial every now and then, but I think I would've gotten a lot more done if they didn't use such fascinating visusal aids.

Or if they had someone to beat me with a newspaper when I screwed around. That would work at least equally well.

101.06 of you can KISS MY ASS


124 scores
average: 54.6

Your score of 72 is greater than or equal to 81.5% of all scores.

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This distribution was last updated at 0849 on 5/10/2006.


So I can't sleep. If this is like previous can't sleep situations It'll wear off soon. However I got up went to my computer, and put on my headphones. I heard a voice. It was too feint to be audible, but someone was talking. Now understand that my comptuer was in standby mode. No volume making program was running. Volume control on my speakers which my headset was plugged into didn't effect it. I wanted to know what it was saying, but simultaneously I feared it. I switched my headset back over to plug directly into my PC. It was gone. It was leaking somehow into my speakers.

It's creepy.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006


When I was 7 once of my grandparents, I think it was the one I call Papa, which is my fathers father, told me that even though I didn't like tomatoes then I would grow out of it.

I made a point of testing that ever day for teh rest of that week, I was 7, give me a break. At the end of that week I concluded that papa was mad, and that tomatoes were probably poisonous.

Later in life I decided that he may have had a point, but that it would take much longer, so I would make a point of checking on a yearly basis.

Year 19: Still bad.

I'll get back to you next year.

Monday, May 08, 2006


I know Dayquil works. It's been my cold cure of choice in places where I can't use my herbal steam trick. But it tastes horrible.

This one may get some people in trouble

I’m not sure I can still get this idea out properly, but through extensive meditational exercises I’ve returned to a state of calm, and I have a long story that needs to be told. First of all you have to understand that I live in a place where alcoholism is status quo. People who only get throwing up drunk on weekends are viewed as light drinkers. It isn’t surprising to see Ryan laying on the floor drunk any given night. The people across the hall, the people down the fall, my roommate, all of them drink.

This is where the story gets kind of heavy, because I’m breaking some sort of code, but I ask you not to intervene to heavily or complain, even if this bugs you remember that I’ll be moving out in a few weeks anyway, and that he hasn’t been a bad influence on me, I’ve been a good influence on him.

My roommate drinks. Regularly. He’s a local, so he has both his newly acquired UW friends as well as an extensive network of pre-existent friends. There’s this amazing phenomenon where literally 8 people will all file into my room at once, filling the room to a point where any kind of movement will result in disturbing somebody, and just as quickly and spontaneously my room will empty out. My tendency to get lost in either my thoughts or a video game allows me to sometimes not notice the processing of the multitudes, so I have the incredibly surreal experience of looking up to discover that my room is crowded with people I’ve never met, or the equally surreal experience of having my room be overcrowded one instant, and completely empty the next.

When he drinks I usually take up some position where I can fake having been asleep or overly distracted by something, or I simply leave the room. By and large I stay mostly so I can serve as a wellspring of sobriety and knowledge. While I won’t deny that I look down on these people, I still have a duty to protect them.

One thing you have to understand is that I see a vast procession of these people, and Conrad is by far the most intelligent. While I stick by my theory that life will someday bitch slap him, he’s still got potential. Many of them lost the potential to be anything above mediocre long ago.

This is the first thing that gets me. Conrad could do so much more, but he doesn’t.

I listen to their conversations. I can’t deny that I’ve made a habit of eavesdropping throughout my life, and when there’s a mob of drunken teenagers 10 feet away it’s almost hard not to. What they say is by and large the grey noise of the normals, with the occasional interesting or insightful remark, usually made by Conrad, or interesting story, which could’ve been told by any of them. Say what you will about chemical abuse, and I assure I will, it makes for some interesting stories.

There is one thing I overhear all too frequently. It’s the story of how somebody got caught doing X, or selling X, or whatever and now they’re in Jail. Or now they have to go to court and pay a big fine etc. In either case it’s a story of how doing exactly what they’re doing has completely destroyed the life of a friend of theirs. Do they learn from this and, oh I don’t know, stop?! No. They keep right on going. There’ve been at least two occasions where I’ve shouted this at them, I don’t remember what happened because those memories are a blur of righteous outrage and frustration, but based on that I assume they didn’t get the message either due to human stupidity or drunken stupidity.

I want so much to help them, but I can’t get my point across. And then I want so much to beat them within an inch of their life, but I can’t do that either.

There are people I see routinely throwing up in the bathroom. I won’t lie, I used to drink, and I’ve been there. I know how much that sucks. I learned from that experience though. When that happened to me I said “Okay, so now I know my limit, noted.” They don’t. It’s at this point where I begin to tremble and shout WHY?!?!

Now that I’ve said that I’m obligated to give a bit more background to stop my parents from hosing me. Yes I drank, no I don’t anymore. I stopped… I think it was early senior year. Why did I do it? It wasn’t peer pressure, it wasn’t depression, and nobody corrupted your son. I did it for life experience. I stand by my philosophical belief that one should try and experience the full breadth of what life has to offer, and that every experience, even painful traumatic ones, can lead you closer to enlightenment. And I learned a lot from it, but in the end one of the biggest things I learned was that drinking itself wasn’t enlightened. It was an escape from the burden of thought, and thought is the nature of enlightenment. I also learned what drunkenness is like. I learned that tequila never ends well, and I learned that while you might drink because you feel bad you’ll feel even worse after the liquor wears off. Most of all I learned that those around me will inevitable always pursue some form of release. They don’t find release in bizarre artwork, literary madness and video games, so they pursue it chemically, and they need someone around to help them when they fall. I stopped drinking to be the designated driver, to be the guy who says “Okay, you’ve had too much.” To be the one who may ruin your fun that evening, but when you wake up the next morning alive you’ll thank them. It was a much more enlightened role.

And once again, I stopped drinking years ago, so calm down.

My frustrations aren’t over yet anyway. I’ve only covered liquor. I don’t think anyone other then Kevin has ever met Thomas, but if you want confirmation of just how Fucked up he is you can ask him. Also, for the record, there isn’t any other way of describing him. I’ve got a full batch of creative and artistic ways of saying that he’s burned out his mind on drugs, but they’re too artistic for him. He hasn’t earned them. Thomas is a person who is permanently stoned. Have you ever seen snoop dogg? Do you know that look he always has that conveys the fact that he just smoked weed, even when he didn’t just smoke weed? I hold fast to the belief that it’s because he’s got so much weed left over in his system from years of abuse that his default level is a little high. Thomas has that too. Thomas has done everything, he’s a burnout, and a dealer, and a chemical engineering major. This amuses me on several levels, both because he’s making an offering to the patron saint, but it also amuses the part of me that is vaguely evil, because when he realizes that you can’t apply for an engineering major with a 1.7 G.P.A. and 6 hours of attended class time per quarter part of me is going to laugh. The more I think about it I can’t really see why I felt the need to mention Thomas. I guess he’s just one of the most destroyed in the parade of broken potential that courses through my room.

Another person much in the same vein as Thomas is Stanley. He’s a pothead, I’m not even going to go through the process of justifying my accusation, he is. In fact I have a picture that should speak the thousand-ish words I would need.

Both of these people are ish friends with Conrad. They smoke with him anyway. Yes, my roommate smokes weed. Remember don’t freak out. At least wait until you’ve heard the whole story. It gets to me because Conrad when he’s sober is a smart kid. He’s clever, he’s someone who’s seen through a lot of the bullshit in the world, and he’s got legitimate potential. Then I see those two, and I know that this is where he’ll end up if he stays on this path. I’ve done all I can to make him see that, and I think I’m getting through. He’s tried on three different occasions now to stop smoking, but most of his friends smoke so it’s continuously awkward for him not to. The most recent attempt is still going on and while I don’t monitor him by any means it seems to be going well. Unfortunately he seems to be drinking more now that he’s not smoking, but I’ve pointed that out to him and I think we’re making progress. I don’t think I can save Stan of Thomas, but I may make a difference I Conrad.

Okay let’s zoom out again. Most of the floor knows Thomas. They’ve got a clear “This is your brain on drugs” icon to point to. But essentially none of them are saved by it.

*TANGENT: Ugh, I’ve got a cold. I woke up to write this and I’ve been sniffly the whole time. The weather actually pulled a fast one on me and went from being Houston spring level of heat, which meant people here were complaining that it was way too hot and I was laughing at them, to being Houston winter level of heat, meaning that I generally like it, but wish it would go back to being cloudy. I began to suspect I was getting a cold last night when it was cold in the room and my innate cold resistance wasn’t working. Anyway back to the rant

Tiffany and Ayan. Friends of mine. Good people. Lives being gradually destroyed by alcohol. Remember the story about tacit consent, that was one of them. Drinks on the job, that was one of them. Duty to God (It’s an earlier post from April) also inspired by them. I like them. They’re creative, they’re funny, and they have an amazing level of insight every now and then. Tiffany has this amazing ability to see through other peoples self delusions and hit them with the harsh truth. She can only do this when she’s drunk, but she’s always drunk so it all works out. It would be helpful if she could do this to herself, but that’s just wishful thinking. On a quick side note, she’s one of the only people who have ever managed to successfully do that to me. People try. A lot. Whenever I get philosophical on people and say something that upsets them they try and blow my mind, but I most of things that are mind blowing to the average person are things that I came to realize either through musing or meditation years ago. It’s one of the very few advantages of being someone who wasted his childhood thinking about things. Anyway I’ve done all I can to help them. I stopped doing tacit consent stuff. This involved some lying on my part, but I think it was better in the end. Besides it’s her fault that she didn’t see my Zippo in it’s tray on my desk. I wonder what I would’ve done if she had. Hmm… Not the point. These are people who are funny, clever, artistically gifted and, (I have to include this as a due diligence thing on myself) hot, but are killing themselves. And I can’t help them anymore. They got an apartment nearby. I have to admit I’m legitimately worried that the next thing I’ll hear from them will be that one of them either died or suffered massive brain damage from alcohol poisoning. It makes me want to help them, and it makes me want to destroy them, and I can’t seem to do either.

Things like this are why I’ve built up so much outrage. I was unnecessarily harsh on the drum circle. I think they deserve a little face time with the nerf bat, but not as much as I ranted at them for.

Now if you’ve just read this and you’re planning on calling an R.A. or something stop. They both know. They’ve taken up the same stance as me though. We’ve already got evidence that calling the cops won’t solve anything, it’ll just give a different group of kids a story about a friend of theirs that got arrested because s/he was doing the exact same freaking thing those kids are doing. I ask that you not pass judgment, but simply learn from this. These things can be an interesting life experience, but they should be an experience in your life, they shouldn’t be how you experience life.

This is also why I’m officially declaring my one step program. If I know you know, and you’re either clean or at a stable state, and yes I do think there is a stable state of alcohol consumption, but it’s much lower then what most of Lander is at. If you’re clean or at a stable state, and you start heading down that path I’ll come for you. I’ll show you what you’re doing, why it’s wrong, and I’ll warn you that you’re now on the one step program, and from that moment on if you take one step out of line, I’ll kill you. That goes for all of you too, Mom, Dad, you were warned. James, Shlomo, Kevin, anonymous person who is just surfing through blogs at random, I’ll come for you man. I’m crazy.

Lighter side

I had this thought earlier today, I don't feel like wrting a full setup for it now, but yeah.

"Evolution is just a way for God to play the Kevin bacon game."'

Think about it.


The following is a conversation I just had in the hallway

"You were drinking at work?!"
"Look it dosn't matter man everyone at the office is an alcoholic"
"That dosn't justify your actions"

[I'm omitting this point because it's just me tryign to get this point through her liquor drenched mind]

"look that's not even the point, you were drinking AT WORK"
"And what's wrong with that?"

[It was at this point I realized that I was either going to walk away, or manifest myself as a being of pure anger and destroy her and the building around me, killing hundreds of semi-innocent bystanders]

"Whatever, I don't need this."

At that point I walked away and wrote this down. It must be recorded

29 days 2 hours and 15 minutes remain until I go on a killing spree

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Maximus Rage

I have a problem. I’m filled with outrage, and I need to express it, but I can’t write properly because I’m filled with outrage. I’m in college, I’m surrounded by people who are smart, who have so much potential, and who are THROWING IT AWAY. By The way, get ready for a lot of caps, if this were a pod cast a lot of it would be shouted. DAMNIT I can’t even type properly. I’m trembling again. Do you know what else? I finally figured out how these people become the mediocre normals that I hate so much. They spend four or five years here, poisoning themselves into mediocrity, and they walk away and spend the rest of their life saying “Man, College was fun.” FRIGGIN !@#$$%!@%$)(!(2!!%!S@#$()!#$#!#()$!#$!$!@%$R%.* These people are setting themselves up for a life of regret, and they don’t even see it. They’re wasting themselves. They’re… !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. I want to just go out screaming and shouting and beating them down, trying to show them what they are and whats coming and THEY WONT GOD DAMN LISTEN. YEERRRRRRRRRRGHGHGHHHH.

AGGH. I can’t express this now. I can’t focus long enough to assemble the idea into coherence, because every time I try to think about it I go into another fit of rage.

Pacifism gets harder every day. I’ll try writing this again later.

Oh, I have a supervillain name at least. Well Two possibilites. I'm Either




I have logos for both, but I don't have computerized images of either yet.

[Edit] Ya'know, just "Outrage" could make a good supervillain name. I couldn't use my symbol as part of the logo for that one though.

*I’m going to use that a lot, It represents me descending into incomprehensible angry barking/ranting.


I write to you today concerning a place called Alladin's. Alladin's is a great gyro shop on the Ave, which I go to becaue I like their food, but don't go to because they're anti-zionist. They have bias, factually questionable (all technically true but they leave out the key details, it's a standard tactic in this debate) articles posted on their board. So now I'm at an impass. I have a complex socio-political dietary problem. But I've found a solution. I continue going there, but I never tip. That'll show em.

They're Real!

I went down the ave today. The important thing is that when I walked past it the first time there were 3 people drumming outside the Lutheran student center. They weren't very good, they lacked rythem or teamwork, I'd make a joke here but I can't decide whether I should be making a white people joke or a lutheran joke.

I walked back nearly an hour later and there were now 14 people (all of whom were still white and probably lutheran) playing. Most of them didn't even have drums either, they were banging on various trash items. They were still arythemic an uncordinated, but now they were particularly annoying. Why you ask? First of all it was people playing the drums badly. Second of all they were taking an art form that I admired (precussion on trash) and destroying it. That's an art form that should be reserved for the homeless and the deviants. Most of all though it was a hippy freaking drum circle.

Now I knew that hippys did drum circles at unpaid for camp sites. but this is in the middle of a FREAKING damn city. a HIPPY DRUM CIRCLE


(I can't express myself any futher without descending into incomprehendable ranting noises, and I just can't get it across in text. It's also extremelly hard to type while quaking with outrage.)

29 days 17 hours and 23 minutes remain until I go on my killing spree, You were warned.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Oh! (snap)

I keep forgetting that I have to reset my iTunes account. I've updated most of my other accounts to drain off of my check card, but iTunes which I almost never use for purchases is still draining off of my mom's credit card.

Mom I owe you $20, if I remember that a month from now (knowning me it's not very likely) I'll pay you back, otherwise remind me in a month when I next see you.

Another pointless rant about video games

Conrad's taking a globalization class, and is generally knowledgeable about globalization. Actually I have an entire rant on Conrad, I'll post that next, but I was talking about...

Max, I need you to Focus

Right! Globalization. Anyway the Chinese are coming. The Sleeping Dragon awakes.... Because of this I've been making a habit of playing as the Chinese in Battlefield 2. For those of you who don't know BF2 is based on a hypothetical situation where all current global tension breaks down in massive military assault. America beings widespread invasion of China and the middle east. In the expansion you can fight on American soil as well, but not yet.

Actually, BF2 had one of the best ads I'd ever seen. It was this collage of dramatic screenshots with one image centered in the middle. It was a textbook newscaster scene with the caption "Today the world peace process hit a major roadblock..." If I can find it I'll post it.

Now playing an FPS elicits much more dramatic player side reactions. I, as well as every other gamer, will spontaneously shout things while playing, and I'm slowly learning Chinese. You can tell I'm playing because you'll hear one of two things. Either my supervillain laugh (My laugh of triumph is amazingly supervillainish) when I manage to pull off an effective use of C4. Or me shouting "Que! Que! Que!" which is Chinese for "Go! Go! Go!"

Also, for no reason. I'm going to describe my style of play. I use the "Special Forces" kit. This includes a machine gun (An M4 carbine on the American side, and some Chinese machine gun I don't know about on my usual side) a silenced pistol, Hand grenades, a knife, and most importantly 5 charges of C4 plastic explosive. My love of, and expertise with, explosives carries over into the virtual world. My skill can only be described with a word from my peoples sacred language of 1337 sp34k. The word PWNZ. People don't realize that the crazy guy in the buggy who's driving nowhere near the field of battle is still a threat, because he's taking an ultra fast vehicle the long way, and arriving at the American artillery and radar stations just in time to cut them off with a few well placed explosives. They don't realize that when I was retreating I dropped a satchel of plastique, so when your tank rolls over it while I hug the ground behind a pile of sand bags and you suddenly get blown the fuck up I'm the one who wins. Not only that, but if I did it right you're now also down one key bridge. Reinforce that bitches. I've also gotten good at 2 tricks involving the jeeps. Trick one consists of speeding around a tank, dodging the opening shot, then jumping out next to it, planting two charges on it, and running like hell. If I can get out of range of the explosives I can take out a tank unharmed. If I cant then when one of my brother's in arms throws a grenade at the tank it'll set off my C4, and my ghost will laugh at the smoking American ruin. The second trick requires me to use up all 5 of my charges, but it can wreck anything. Get a jeep, or a buggy. Something fast and manuverable. Strap 5 charges to the front, get the detonator as your weapon, and start driving. If you're going full speed when you jump out the car keeps going. If you position it right it keeps going all the way out of explosive range. Get up to ramming speed, target whatever it is you need to go away (this thing has an amazing radius of effect) then jump out. The car rolls forward, you drop to the ground, and then push the little red button. This can take out a tank, a bunker, a mobile AA station, or an entire defensive platoon. After that you're cashed as far as explosives go, but man that one shot is amazing.