Monday, November 28, 2005

Silan Lied to Me

The Leroy Jenkins story turns out to be based on false information. Leroy's team gets wiped, which makes more sense considering the meaning of the phrase, James first told me this, and several people in game have confirmed it. Case in point, my guildmate Silan lied to me.

Friday, November 18, 2005

News From the Front

Ahh bureaucracy. Will you ever stop crushing me?

This time isn't the matter of prerequisites. Now on my Hebrew test results it says quite clearly, hand written by the Hebrew teacher, that I qualify for HEBR 412. It even says that I could take HEBR 423 if I wanted. So when I sign up for HEBR 412 and it tells me I don't qualify based on prerequisites I'm understandably upset. What are the prerequisites you ask? HEBR 411 of course, a course which doesn't exist. Schedule find can't find any instance of it. Not only is it not offered with my schedule, or a class that's filled up, its not offered at all. I'm going to go exchange a long annoying conversation with the testing people and then, if I'm right and the pattern continues to hold, a long series of other people behind desks who hate their jobs. Hopefully the end result will be me getting into the class.

Oh, I also got into my math and physics classes as planned, so I have the hard credits that I'm going to need for my major down.

Leroy Jenkins

There's an amazing story about a kid named Leroy Jenkins. I don't think that's his actual name, but that's his character name is World of Warcraft, and that's the name he's famous under.

People make videos of certain things in WoW. They do it for diverse reasons, chronicle achievement, amusement, instructional, and bragging rights PVP videos, but the point is that they make them and then share them over the forums. One of the them was of one of the first raids on Onyxia. Onyxia is a giant black dragon and the second hardest boss in the entire game. The fact that it's earlier makes it even harder because people haven't had a chance to figure out how best to fight the creature.

One thing to understand about raids this high level. They're incredibly complex and intricate, and as such they're rigorously planned out. Everyone has gone over how they're going to do everything, why, and what to do if they can't. The video opens on a scene of 40 people standing around arranging themselves into proper formation for the raid. People talk strategy back and forth while one person periodically announces a name followed by a %. As it turns out that person was individually evaluating people by their gear and stats then announcing their % of survival. He's almost always right, which is interesting on its' own, but isn't the subject of this story.

During the middle of this planning and orchestrating Leroy comes back from getting a Pepsi, sits down and sits down at his computer. He types out the now famous words "Ok fellas, lets do this" then bluntly charges in with no respect to formation, grouping, or agro management. What ensues is an en entirely improvised onyxia fight, an unheard of thing, and, and, a glorious victory.

Ever since that day Leroy has been known as the person who rushes in blindly and just starts fighting. It's generally not associated with victory, but with the act of rushing in with no respect for tactics or agro management. I admit that I had gone a long way to having that be called a Slyz, the phrase pulling a Slyz was the same thing before Jenkins made himself famous but only my guild used it.

My character name is Slyz btw.

It wouldn't be a remarkable story if it stopped here, it would just be another page in the great lexicon of the world of warcraft. It goes so much further. Numerous game magazines have paid handsomely for interviews with him, he was given a free pass and plane ticket to Blizz-con as a a public commendation / demonstration of some sort there. And now He's made it into the main stream. Because on jeopardy the answer was "This video game started in 2004 puts players into the world of Azeroth where heroes such as Leroy Jenkins fight evil"

I'm just waiting for the day some political humorist describes the Iraq war as Bush "Going Jenkins on the Middle East"

Side note

That family guy WMV will be such a small pixel range voluntarily, while the file can be played full screen without distortion, I intend to set it so that media player is always on top, allowing me to keep an eye on the web page. The size thing is so that I can see a lot of the web page.

I'm Not Lazy, I'm an Activist.

November 2nd

I attended the Nationwide student walkout against war today. I'll level with you and admit that I attended it mostly because I really didn't want to go to class that day, but I am opposed to the current war though. As it turns out though, I don't side with the cause that was presented that day. These were activists who were opposed to war in general. Many of them were also opposed based on arguments like "It's not right!" and "How can you say that" and "You just don't understand" I found that walking into a rally of people who are, in theory, my allies in the great political struggle left me just as annoyed and frustrated as walking into a rally of my opponents.

I spent a fair amount of time talking to conservative action groups during the week U of H started up. I was still working there as a technician and propaganda was in full swing. The key thing I found is that very few people have ever bothered to deconstruct their own thinking, and that many people will eventually pull out a pamphlet, read words that are impassioned and equally inconcrete, and then look at you like that should have answered the question.

And that's not even starting on the Larouche guys. Dear Lord man when did someone's disbelief in the Pythagorean theorem become a political tool? Let's not even get into the nearly infinite amount of empirical evidence we have for the Pythagorean theorem, I just want to know who tacked that onto their Campaign platform.

Enough on them though, back to the matter at hand.

My views on war are complicated. I'm opposed to the current war mostly because I'm opposed to the way it was done, and the target. However I'm not opposed to the concept of war as a diplomatic tool. The key thing to understand is that in war nobody wins, but one side loses a more then the other. When the situation becomes dire enough that injuring yourself in order to critically injure the enemy becomes necessary I say yes, go to war. But Iraq wasn't a real threat to us. Saddam was mostly attacking other Iraqis who were trying to resist his rule. He wasn't a clear and present danger to us. Hell, even if he did have WMDs he wasn't a threat. He's not crazy enough to pull the trigger on that one.

Nuclear war will only be started by someone crazy, the repercussion are too high. Once you pull them out everyone pulls them out. If your lucky the end result will be that your country is an irradiated wasteland. If your not then you've just caused the extinction of the Human race via Nuclear winter. Congratulations

Unfortunately very few people were actually planning on sitting down and talking about this. Or even stopping screaming and talking about this. I would like to note how much violence there was to the attitudes and mind set of anti-war people though. I think a clever leader could easily have turned them into a violent riot all in the name of anti-war protests. That too me was the biggest proof that they were just as blunt as the other side.

Story time

I'm staying up tonight. Now you may take "Staying up" to mean until 1, or possibly even 2 a.m. You may think later. However when I say "Staying up" I don't mean that I'm going to sleep late, I mean that I'm not sleeping. I have a rampant and well developed disrespect for sleep, and a bizarre schedule.

It's also important to understand that I don't stay up very often. Usually once a month or less, but it's always an amusing experience. Actually, any thing that gives me a surplus of mental energy and downtime is almost always either an interesting experience or something that ends with me and whoever I was with at the time saying "And let us never speak of this again." Those are even more interesting, but I can't tell you about them

Ya'know, cause of that vow.

Anyway I'm staying up tonight because at 6a.m. (3 hours from now) Class registration opens. And everyone will wake up, and groggily log on, select the classes they've picked out, and click "Confirm"


I will have filled out the form at 5:45 and have spent the last 15 minutes hitting refresh and watch a 200 x 400 (pixels) rendition of Family Guy episode 505 which I've recently acquired.

So anyway, I have a bit of time to kill, and while I'm thoroughly amused by and addicted to various video games I already spent the last 3 hours doing that, and there's a line. So now it's story time. I like to consider myself a font of mildly amusing tales and philosophical rants that are clever enough to make people briefly furrow their brows, scratch their chins, and say "hmmm" Several of these relate to the recent college experience and not all of them have made their way into the Blog. Well here's their chance. Just think of it as the deleted scenes episode every long running TV show eventually airs because they can call it a special even though it's just a +1 clip show.

I can't decide whether they're bastards or that's genius, it’s probably a mix of the two. The word for that is Nefarious whose Maxtionary definition is "Deliciously Evil"


Tuesday, November 15, 2005

My First Major College Screw Up

I was made aware today that I have to sign up for classes Friday. Now technically I don't have to, but I've already been through the process of being shuffled into the remainder classes, and I'm not going through that again. For the record, that was my major pre-college screw up. So I'm walking to Comp Lit today and I pass the academic testing building.

Hey Max, wasn't there some math placement test you were supposed to take?
We already took that
No, that was the
Hebrew placement test
No we... We must have... Shit

So I walk in to the building and directly into the testing room. My innate luckiness kicks in and so I attach myself onto the tail end of the 3:30 registration group. Advanced mathematics doesn't require an appointment.

You know that we're screwed anyway right? It took weeks for you to get the results from Hebrew back
Shut up

"Pardon me miss, When will I get the results from this test back? I'm in some what of a time crunch."
"We'll grade it right after, so you'll have it by 5 p.m. today"

Nyah Nyah!

So I pay my $15 and sit down with my one pencil.

Max this is the advanced mathematics test. You haven't done math in 6 months, how do you plan on passing? Max they don't allow calculators, do you know how to extremea non-graphically? Also you never memorized the quadratic formula, you just wrote it into your calculator and saved it, what are you going to do? And! and they don't allow retakes within 2 weeks, if you bomb this one your screwed.

First of all, shut up. Second of all, I'll just fall back to plan B.

We already fell back to plan B.

At this point the collective entities of my mind look towards their vast whiteboard.

Plan B: In the event that desired classes are unavailable take general education credit classes selected from the ones available based on entertainment value and difficulty.

Shit. We'll fall back to plan C then.

Plan C:In the event that gross incompetence prevents you from taking proper classes winter quarter you should umm... Pray? Pray, lie, conceal and then buckled down and take a summer quarter, or something. *Note: avoid having to resort to plan C at all costs.

Oh man, I really don't want to have to resort to plan C.
Me neither.

So what happened? Inexperienced Max walks in completely unprepared and OWNS that test. Off the bat, 6 months of dead time, and I place into the same math series that damn math Majors are taking.


Monday, November 14, 2005

Giant Robots Made Easy

Due to my sudden access to vast amounts of free anime I've been able to take back up my interest in it.

Max where are you getting free anime
I refuse to answer on the grounds that it may incinerate me

Anyway my particular rant today is about Gundum Seed.

If your not familiar with it the Gundum series of animes is about giant robots. They're piloted and have different specialties, etc. The drama of the lives of the pilots also comes into place. While the nature of the plot varies immensely from one Gundum series to another, they're usually about significant political unrest and the role of the gundums as the champions of the side which is portrayed as virtuous. If your interested the best one is Gundum Wing. They also all have extremely good music. I've found that I generally like the music in anime anyway, but Gundum is a cut above the rest.

Back to Gundum Seed. You know how I said most of the Gundum serieses are good? Seed is why. It's not that the plot is bad, or even the action. It's the blunt fact that every episode is exactly the same. This is how every freaking episode goes.

People in military/paramilitary uniforms shoot at innocent people
adolescent military pilots have interpersonal dramas
More shooting at innocent people
The song "White Reflection" plays
a kid under the age of 13 gets in a giant robot and kicks everyone's ass.

I know how this happened too. White Reflection is a good song sticking in line with the overall high quality of Gundum music. A team from a previous Gundum series was sitting around when someone pulled out that song, and the following conversation took place.

"Hey that's a good song"
"Dudes, you know what we should do? We should make an anime out of it."
"You mean like a music video?"
"No, I mean like a whole anime series around that song"
"Dude that is awesome (who handed over enthusiastic pointing) That's why your the man"

The other way this could of happened is that the writes after making the pilot all decided they didn't actually want to do it. So they got dice. One die has the various groups of innocents that an be attacked. One die has the various military groups, and then 4 dice each of which has the names of the adolescent protagonists on it. Then they set up a madlib like storyboard, roll a few times, B.S. the dialog and send the whole thing to the animators. I'm not sure if it's out of laziness, distaste for the project, or the greatest scam ever conceived, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's actually happening.

Bus Excursion Pic: Downtown

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Bus Excursion Pic: Seattle Sunset

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Local News

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The following is a recreation of a conversation on the PFJ's Ventrillo server during a raid on the dark academy of Scholomance shortly before fighting Doctor Theolen Krastinov, The Butcher.

*Ventrillo is a program that allows voice communication between people logged into the server, like a walkie talkie system over the internet.
*The PFJ is my guild in World of Warcraft
*World of Warcraft is a video game I play a lot, it's online and I have a number of people I consider friends who I only know through it.
*A raid is where a large group, in this case 10, people gather together to do something unusually difficult. Attacking the high academy of the Dark arts Scholomance in this case.
*The Butcher has a legion of ghouls at his disposal. His have one particular talent though. They emit a low level of poisonous gas at all times, and when they die they burst into a cloud of gas dealing 300 damage every second you remain inside the cloud. My main character has only 3,000 health when fully healed, and I'm rarely fully healed after fighting a ghoul.

Ok now that you know what that first sentence meant, one more thing. We speak in vent but we first knew each other through guild chat. So even though we're using voice not text we know each other by our character names. That's why all the names are weird.

Slithrick: Oh crap.
Slyz (me): I hate these guys.
Silan: yeah.
Lacei: oh, you mean the green an poofy ones?
Slyz: Green and Poofy?
Lacei: Yeah, thier little cloud things are green and...
Slyz: They're the Living Undead! They're hideous monstrosities who stalk the earth plagued by their cursed immortality feasting on the dead and slaying the living. They're creatures of Ire and Hatred. They are not Green and Poofy!
Talmara: (Stifled laughter)
Slithrick: (unstifled laughter)
Sjier (who doesn't have a mic so he responds to things said in vent in text): lol
Lacei: Yeah, look at their little cloud thing looks green a poofy to me.
Slyz: Damnit Lacei your ruining the mystique.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Adonis, And his 7 Sons (D&D)

*Note: This one isn't storyline related. It's a post by me under the "setting" thread. I've got a long and complex back story and cast of characters for my world, and I like to tell other people about it. Adonis and his 7 sons are part of it.


Adonis was a legendary crimelord. While I haven't worked out the full tales of his exploits yet, the most important thing he did was form what was known as "The Adnois Syndicate"

Now known simply as "The Syndicate" it is a grand international criminal organization, but unlike a tradtional gang or crime family it's actions are purely manengarial. Members are made aware of jobs that are posted by people outside the syndicate, and once one performs the job they can collect the pay from that person. The Syndicate of course charge collection on both parties. The key thing about them is that they serve almost entirelly as middle men, They almost never post a bounty or a job, but rather are the facilitators of crime and all varietys of underground dealings.

This makes them both hard to detect, and nearly impossible to destory.

That's how it origionally worked anyway, the current head of The Syndicate is much crueler. Membership has been made mandatory for all criminal groups. An elite group of criminal warriors eradicates any non-syndicate criminal organizations, and charges the periodic dues that all sub organizations are required to pay.

Adnois's other noteworthy act is his seven sons. Adonis never took a wife and all 7 of them are bastards in both the literal and common meaning of the word. Most of their mothers were prostitues, one was a spy that was supposed to seduce and assasinate him, and one is rumored to have been a succubus who was assighned to the same purpose, although that last bit is unconfirmed rumors.

The Seven Sons of Adonis

1. Victor "Slyz": Slyz is the bastard child of Adonis and an exotic dancer who said her name was Dalmara, but was probably lying. Slyz is current head of the syndicate, having taken control shortly after his 19th birthday by killing his father and then anyone who stood against him. In ruthlessness he knows no equal. He's known for his nearly infinite resourcefullness, and is said to have 9 lives and a neverending bag of tricks. Unconfirmed rumors also suggest that he's learned gnomish engineering and fights with a firearm. Other rumors suggest that he has an unprecedented sorcerous talent and mastered chronomancy "in his spare time."
Posted Bounty: 30,000 Gold

2. Ricky "Slick Rick": Ricky's made his fortune in government. He's sleazed his way up the ladder getting into a high enough position that he could apply his particularly cruel brand of charisma to the ebb and flow of inter-court politics. He's tilted the scales and played the game against itslef, creating chaos either when he needs to exploit it, or just when he's bored. Ever the hopless romantic (like his mother who was so sure that the love a good woman could save Adonis's criminal soul) he's most famous for so heavily defacing a member of the high council that rioters tore down his house, giving Slick Rick ample opportunity to steal a broach for the woman who was his beloved that week.
Posted Bounty: 24,000 Gold

3. Adrian "Bravisimo": Adrian is the son of a woman who would've been destined to be a talented musician had she not been poor and more noticed for her body then for her voice. Her bastard son though has inherited her theatrical talents, and blends them quite well with his fathers creativity and guile. Adrian is currently a member of Slyz's elite enforcers, but rather then being another cold blooded murderer he works special assaighnments. His charm and roguish good looks have opened a lot of doors that are better off unpicked, and his unquestioned flair for drama has won him many friends, and dissuaded many enemies. He's rumored to have once talked an executioner into letting him go and even giving him his axe, but his most famous act by far took place shortly after Slyz's revolution. Cornered and surrouned, be made to plea for mercy, and as he wove between the guards giving his dramatic oratory, he slipped their sheathed swords into his trusty bag of holding, so that once the grand delusion of his silken voice wore off the guards found that They were the ones outgunned and surrounded.
Posted Bounty: 12,000 Gold

4. Vince: Vince was once a squad leader for Slyz's elite troops, but is rumored to have recently gotten involved with the Morang Tong. Very Very little has been heard about or from him since. Posted Bounty: 5,000 Gold (He may already be dead but nobody's collected yet)

5. Vaze: Vaze may be the greatest catburgler of all time. He never got along well with essentially anyone, and always kept to himself, and when he could to the shadows. He applied this quite well though in his early carrier as a pickpocket, and his later carrear as a catburgler. His most famous crime would certainly be the time he stole all of the jewlery from the entire royal coury While it was in session. People still argue over how he did that.
Posted Bounty: 4,000 Gold

6. Louis: Louis lived most of his life in Slyz's shadow, While he was never sucessfull in the legendary way his elder brothers were, he is the only one to have sucessfully escaped the life of a criminal. His work within the syndicate amassed him enough of a fortune that he simply bought his nobility, a false lineage, a fake coat of arms, signet ring, manor house, bride, mistress, farmstead, and peasents. He now lives his life peacefully as a low ranking noble who dosn't like to talk about his youth.
Posted Bounty: 3,000 Gold (but it's widely believed that he'd pay any would be assasin more to leave him alone)

7. Silan: Silan is the runt. He is (was) known far and wide as the worst crime lord EVER. He holds the high honor of having been thrown out of town by other crime lords because they felt his assistance in their devious machinations would surely doom them all. If he was known for anything it woudl be his talent with spears, but mostly known for being the one who sucks.
Posted Bounty:400 Gold (claimed)

A Chance Encounter (D&D)

A few days after Silans defeat and the discovery of the tunnel a guard approaches you. He dosn't look happy.

"Hey! Heroes! (He says the word heroes in a mocking schoolyard bully style voice) I've got a bone to pick with you. Do you have any idea what's happened ever since you found that passageway in the sewer? That's Right!, They've got us Guarding A SEWER. Do you have any idea how hard our jobs were already? We either stand around all day wearing heavy stuffy armor, or we get killed by sum apeshit wacko with claws and a God crammed up his ass. But now, Thanks to you bastards, we have to do all that IN THE FUCKING SEWER! You bastards better do something about this or we're gonna have your heads" He stomps off in the opposite direction, pausing to bark insults at a few of the people who've gathered around to watch the crazy man shouting.

[Sense Motive] He probably won't actually attack you, he's intelligent enough to know that the rest of the town loves you and that it'd take 20-30 guards to kill alll of you. That dosn't make him any less of a bitch though.

[Note to Non D&D Player] Sense Motive is a skill characters can get which allows them to tell when someone is lying.

[Wildis's Response]Wildis whispers to comrades:
Let's not tell the guards when we've ousted the Rat from his sewer home.

Murder in the Docks (D&D)

Part 1 conclusion:

Silan has escaped, his mercenaries are dead but the hunt is far from over...

2 CR 1/2 Montsers: 300
5 CR 1 Monsters: 1500
Silan defeated, but not killed: 900
Poison Needle trap: 300
Roleplaying XP, Hostage interrogated: 300
Roleplaying XP, Turning over an evil tiefling to a good church: 600 (that was genius)

Completed by 3 people

Each Player (including verj) gains 1300 XP

Part 2 Conclusion:

And now you know. The cult of Hezak is far from beaten, and they persue your deaths relentlessly, but now you have the opportunity to strike back. With the discovery of the tunnel and the town guards appropriate response to it peace should be restored.

Your quest is far from over though. The Marquis has offered you a 50 gold bounty for every cultists killed or otherwise neutralized as a threat, and additional rewards for killing members of this so called "Azure Guard"

While resting a guard comes to speak with you. Silan commiteed suicide in prison, stabbed himself 16 times in the back. It seems odd but the guards have learned not to ask questions.

Another message comes for you as well. It's sealed with a complex "S" glyph. The letter inside reads:
"The listed bounty for Silan, 7th Son of Adonis, 400 gold. 100 to each involved." It isn't signed.

The Total XP gained by all players in the "Murder in The Docks" Adventure is 2300. This includes the xp gained in part 1

Total Gold gained by each character

This includes the mundane items left by the characters, and is once again the total gained by the "Murder in the Docks" adventure.

Magic items left to distrubte

Wand of Magic Missle (3rd level caster) 47 charges
Ring of Protection +1

You've gained 3140 total xp each thus far, so you should get level ups.

No Rest for The Righteous (D&D)

The town gates are sealed, and the guard has been given a reduced shift. The City is in preperation for celebration. Savnnahrae greets you shortly before sunset on the night of the festival. She’s a young woman with and extremely colorful taste in clothing. She greets you warmly and from that point never ceases speaking. She has an endless array of pointless yet mildly amusing anecdotes that form the numbing white noise of her chatter which he emits constnatly while leading you rather forcibly into the fray of the festival. You pass a number of dignitaries, socialites, etc. along the way and Savannah performs the entire greeting introduction and farewell etiquette for both you and the person you were supposedly meeting faster then either of you could have done yourself, then drags you off again leaving you and your supposed new acquaintance equally confused and with a total lack of knowledge of who the other person is. As the night progresses the festival grows around you, drawing you in. Somewhere along the way you lose the priestess, but by that point you’re too lost in the current of the festival to notice. It flows around you an through you like a wondrous dream.

But there is no rest for the righteous.
or Verj.

A battle cry echoes in the night, followed by a cry of anguish
Kel-Thanand tel Rondundarath!
It's coming from south of you, in the dockyards.

The celebration erupts into mayhem. Joyous laughter turns to cries of terror. The townsfolk run to the sanctuary of their homes and the guards try desperately to hide with the townsfolk before being forced into bravery by their commanding officer. Strainign your ears you overhear the following conversation.

”Got Him!”
”Boss that’s not him”
”What about this bastard isn’t him? Elf, perimeter guard, in Nyrech”
”According to this amulet this guys name was Taelraer”
“Fuck. ‘tore is gonna kill you.”
”Hell Yeah, I’m the crime lord here.”
“Shut up. Whatever you were going to say was going to be stupid. Now stop whining and follow me, we’ve got an elf to kill. Another elf to kill. Shut up.”

Murder is lurking in the docks.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Survey Says: It's a trick

I've gotten info from an organization that'll give me acess to dozens more of these paid survey things. Now the first one worked amazingly well, I got $10 for 20 minutes of work. The problem with taking it to the big time is that I must first render unto ceaser. $30 to be specifc, a one time charge, but any amount of money being paid is an inhibitor to me. Now logically it should be well worth it because, in theory, I'll make it back inside of 2 hours.

But Max, what if it's a scam
I'll be out $30, so what?
You have essentially a nill income for the next 2 months, $30 is a big deal
If it works, the nill income thing will be undone.
But what if it's a scam?
Stop reminding me of that.

I'll let you know if I take the plunge in the end

Tuesday, November 08, 2005


Walking through Red Square

[iPod, only audible to me]: Du... Du Hast... Du Hast Mish...
[iPod] Du Hast Mish go Frakt
[iPod] Du Hast Mish go Frakt
[iPod] Du Hast Mish go Frakt, Ug Meek Og Nish

I catch 30 or so simultaneous awkward stares

Damnit Max stop singing along to your iPod


[iPod] When I hit it I hit L, shift O to the quote, and then Dolla
[iPod] If you know the dir of the nerdcore rhyme yo holla
[iPod] I hit L shift O to the quote and then Dolla
[iPod] If you know the dir of the nerdcore rhyme
"You holla!"

You should really be glad that there were only a few people around that time.

Later Still

[iPod] I know that you got a job Ms. Cheny
[iPod] but you husbands heart problems complicating!
"Cause the FCC won't let me be, or let me be me so let me see"
"They try to shut me down on MTV, but it feels so empty without me"

Another sea of awkward stares

"Hey screw you guys, I'm the one enjoying myself"

We'll call that one a draw

Up for debate

If anyone would like to comment or challenge any my thinkings on the motivations etc of the divorce let me know. I'm more then open to debate, but be aware that I've lost all sense of mercy towards those involved on this subject.

Sans communicado

It turns out that I turned my phone back on today, but forgot to charge it beforehand. So if I did have phone service today, I probably only had it for an hour or so. I'll charge it and go back to having phone acess tomorrow.

More crap about that

Remember when I said my views were complex? Well it's time to delve back into them. Like the good Torah scholar that I am I'm going to take a single phrase and write a whole page about it.

The phrase is "You initiated it"

I came ot htis view after a long debate with my internal chamber of jesuits, and I'll tell you why.

First off the blunt mechanics of it is that one night I came home from drivers ed and myDad didn't live in my home any more. IT wasn't a sudden act done in passion either. He's a man of science, he thinks things through. He already had an apartment ready for him to move to.

So now we know he had forethought.

Now I move to the question of motive. My origional understanding of this was comprised of two parts. First of all, my brother, to the best of my understanding, has one mre year on him then the sum total of years in my parents marriage and the years since their divorce. This calls into question the initial foundations of their marriage which would explain collapse later on.

It dosn't justify it, but it does explain it.

The other part is the reasons I was told directly by my father. He talked about a vauge falling apart and general problems of communication which had been growing of the past few years.

Looking at this from the otherside of the wall I see a reliable liars trick at work. It looks like a half truth which is specific enough to be a suitible explanation, but vague enough to discourage futher questions. I'm not saying it is a liars trick, but it's my knee jerk suspicion.

Now without getting into specifics I believe there was some truth to the reasons my Dad gave me. My mom commonly said that she didn't see any problems, but she was probably wearing the rose tinted glasses of denail

Another knee jerk suspicon. Anything trying to pass through the wall is subject to a lot of those.

With what we've got so far his initiating the divorce dosn't seem to be that dark of an action. Take into account:
-Marriage with shaky foundations
-Growing incompatibility
-Children almost left the house

He was just taking initiative rright?

Poor naieve max, granting people immunity to scrutiy will never get you anywhere. I can't belive you really held that "taking the initiative" veiw for so long.

It's a complete picture, but when you add my father to it it no longer works. He wouldn't leave without somewhere else to go. He values stability, he dosn't seem like the kind of person who could take the jump into unkown opportunity on that grand of a scale. He seems more like someone who would jump from one island of saftey to another. There's another aspect to it though. He's had great success in life and that I credit heavily to his drive to improve. He bears the human curse of wanting more instead of enough, but he draws strength from it.

This next part is a little bit of grasping at straws, but follow me on this. I'm extremelly introspective, which can lead to me being self centered. If I'm right in thinking that I inherited it from him then one can see how he could be inwardly focused, derive self centeredness from that, and fall into the dread of of trading up a wife.

Hell, my grandfather did it. I'm just suprised my Dad didn't learn anything from the stress it put on him.

So he jumps to another island of stability, but in order for the jump to be properly motivated it has to be a better island, so in this case he jumps to a younger blonde island who shares his interest in science.

Was his motive purely to trade up? Probably not. Was that a motivating factor? probably.

And now if you'll endulge me, I have a message to deliver.

Max, I know your re-reading this. Your arrogance makes you consult your own teachings to solve your own problems, but we'll work on that fault later. For now I need you to remember the pain. Remember what it did to you.

Monday, November 07, 2005


This is going to be harsh.

This is going to be mean, and cruel, and above all else this is going to be true. It deals with a very difficult subject, and one which I’ve avoided talking about. Reactions to this may be particularly violent; I won’t be answering my phone until Tuesday on account of this. I don’t want to hear anything anyone says as a knee jerk reaction, I want the fully thought out anger.

Let’s get down to business

My dad is having another kid with his new wife. I’ve had awkward phone calls about that from him, and from James, and I didn’t say anything committal on that subject during those calls because my views on this subject are very complex and I feel best explained in narrative text form.

One thing you must understand is that I can never be friends with Anika. I have a constant passive hatred of her for reasons that are in no way her fault. Why then? Because she’s the symbol, the proof, the embodiment etc. of my Fathers fall from grace. I, like most children, was only able to view my parents through a glorifying veil. This persisted even after he initiated the divorce.

Yes you initiated it; don’t give me any more crap about that.

I defended him out of what seemed at the time like an aversion to taking any side, but retro analysis combined with my heightened sense of clarity shows me that it was all denial. I wanted so much to believe the best. Part of me still does, but there’s too much evidence against him now. You see when he left me said to me over and over that he wasn’t leaving for another woman, he dated others before dating anika, and even though it was a fast marriage I was able to except it. Until he made one fatal mistake.

You see lying is an art form. It’s one at which I claim a particular talent. I can, and have, looked people straight in the eye and told bold unapologetic lies. I’ve done it before, and I’ll do it again. As one liar to another I recognize his actions and his mistake. Telling a lie is just a combination of telling a story and acting in it at the same time. The other girls were a diversionary measure to support the initial lie. I recognize the maneuver. This sets the stage for the plausibility of the other person being a new introduction. He told me that he’d met anika shortly after breaking up with my mother at a biotech conference of some sort, and this fit well with the story he was weaving. It was all plausible, and old naive Max was more then willing to swallow it.

Some of you may have heard me make references to my “Protective Wall of Bitterness.” Now this has existed since long long before the divorce, but until recently my parents we’re inside of it, and hence immune to it’s effects.

Things change.

Dad this your official notification that you're now outside the wall, and have been for some time. The same goes for the rest of my family. I’m now the only one inside, and quite frankly I feel safer for it.

You see, he made the one key mistake. Telling a lie is all about plausibility and consistency. You told me, and Mom, and James that you’d met her two years ago, but you told your parents that you’d met her three years ago. As in, before the divorce. Now you said this at the after party of your most recent wedding, so I’ll assume your guard was down and your mind under the influence of joy and ethanol. This makes you much less qualified to lie, and hence makes this a much more reliable source of information. In case you were wondering, that’s the main reason I don’t drink (I wasn’t lying about that) The history of addiction stuff is all secondary reasons, mostly I like to keep my wits around me and I always always keep up my guard.

Once this bit of information got back around to me it all became clear. While there may have been some truth to your stated reasons for leaving they were half truths, and half truths are the foundation of a good lie.

So back to the matter at hand. The Kid. This kid will be a half-sibling of mine, and I’m not sure if I’ll bear the same inherent hatred of this kid that I do of Anika. I regret that feeling because I’m a firm believer in the power of hatred, and as such one should only have it with a good reason. I wouldn’t be surprised if I do hold inherent animosity towards the kid though, because it too will be a symbol. The final breaking away from one family is starting another, and with this he’s starting another family. He’ll have less time to be an orbital sub-member of my family because taking care of a baby is a 48 hour a day job (Note that two people working all the time can accomplish a 48 hour a day job) He may say that he’ll make time, but he’s outside the wall now so I’ll take that with a half a bag of salt and not rely on it. In the end we’ll just have to wait and see, but I’m pretty sure that however this ends it won’t be pretty.

I’m hesitant to post this. I’m writing this one in word beforehand and it seems harsh, and unduly mean to people I care about. But it has to be said. It dosn't really change anything either. I've felt this way for months now, I've just avoided talking about it becuase it makes me tired in a way, it's the feeling that I image one gets simply by being old, but being old isn't as much about biological decay as it is about having experienced a lot of life, and in these moments I experience entirellly too much life at once.

I'm also leaving this one untitled. I can't think of an adequate title, and writing and rereading this has filled me with that same sense of aged weariness. I'm going to bed now. Remember, no calls until tuesday.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Whiteboard Wars

The Following is what was written on the whiteboard of 372 as of 20 minutes ago


I have a crush on you
- Tina

I'm going to crush you
-Zoth-Tocatal, Reaper of Souls


Guess which one I wrote.

The Ancient Maxonian Crusade

Now many of you may know that my most hated and most ancient enemy is The Sun. When I pick an enemy I aim high. I'm happy to report that 5 days ago the cowardly daystar vanished from my life and hasn't been seen sense. Victory for the Maxonian Royal Forces!

One thing less of you will know is that my second most hated enemy is gravity, and it's dark minion, The Stair. Now the stair has been a thorn in my side more then recently nowadays but I've grown stronger and hence able to readily defeat them. I've even taking to leaping down them by placing my hands on the rail and making one big jump with my body pivoting around my shoulders. It's as close to just jumping down the stairs you can get without having a fairly high chance of slamming your face into the wall.

While doing this recently I was reminded of the grand inadiquacies of my frail human body. It seems that repetative 300lb impacts on it's feeble knees cause those kness to go straight to jank.

So my normal progess down the stairs a few days ago which is normally a resounding series of booms as I hit the 6 landings on the way down was insteand a resounding series of 4 booms followed by a loud "Gnyeerk!" (thats the closest spelling possible in this feeble alphabet) and then a long series of Step, "ow", step "ow"s

I'm not in any major way injured by this. I can still walk fine, but gravity has truck a telling blow in our grand conflict. But the Maxonian Royal Army will not be stopped so easily! Fall back to the elevator and regroup.

All Hall Brawl 2, Capture the swag.

War is upon us!!!

Let me explain. Lander 3 used to have a sign reading "The Floor of knowledge" Two weeks ago today, (friday, I'm know I'm posting this when it's technically saturday but when I wrote this [before geography started] it was friday) it was gone, and a crude sign reading "Lander 5 rocks" was in it's place. 13 days ago there was a pile of signs from other floors where our "Floor of Knowledge" sign had once been. It was a triumphant day for the mighty warriors of Lander 3. What has ensued is a chaotic frenzy of meaningless conquest and bitter vengence. I happen to love chaotic frenzies.

The name of the game is "Capture the Everything." if another floor has it, we take it. If we can't take it, we deface it. No rules, No purpose, No mercy. Now, this being a recorded statement (and hence on the record) so I'm above such lowly practices as mindless interfloor vandalism. However as of 6:30 a.m. last sunday morning nearly every whiteboard on Lander 7 read "Lander 3 FTW" and I needed a new black marker

Two totally unrealted events

On an equally unrelated side note early morning sunday is the best time to go raiding in a dorm, everyone is asleep. 4 a.m. the place is jumping, but once the sun goes up every goes Nosferatu on you and collapses.

The biggest effect of this however was me buying a TV. Now these two thing mays sound unrelated, but hear me out on this one: I wanted a TV, then think how funny it would be if the TV from lander 4 went missing and was replaced by a sign reading "Lander 5 Jacked Your Box"

If you love chaotic frenzies, that one is too good to pass up. The fact that I already have a TV is the only thing stopping me from doing that. (Morality Vs. Impulse,Impulse 1 Morality 0, Impulse FTW!)

P.S. If I haven't already explained FTW (I think I have though) it means For The Win.

The New Pentacle

This is the New Pentacle
These 5 things are all one in the same, and the process by which we change one from of this into another is the grand philosophical mercury that drives our society.

It's an image and a tool that I come back to more and more in my recent thinking. For example I'm currently in college

Parents use Money to give power to me
I time and the power that was given to me to get knowledge
I will later use time and knowlege to get money for myself.
This money will give me power, and that power will give me freedom.

I can show most aspects of society and life as a change from one of those things to another. One key thing to remember about this though is that happyness is not one of them. While this grand universal currency is a key to happiness, it alone cannot attain it.

Fat people are smarter

Knowledge is power, power is force, force is energy, energy is mass. My excess weight is directly related to me carrying around extra knowledge.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Poor Impulse Control

I just drank a bottle of cricket brand green tea cola. Now when Kevin told me about it 15 minutes ago I knew it would taste bad. I knew I wouldn't like it. But I also knew I was going to do it. I'm prone to answering questions that really should've remained hypothetical. Likewise when the forces of reason and judgement meet the forces of curiosity and impulse and the great worn torn battlefield of my mind Curiosity always wins. Thank God I'm not a cat.

Gettin my sleep on.

It's time to pimp my bed

Allow me to clue you in.

This process started when I hung a sheet around my bed in order to grant me the illusions of privacy. Then I put a 12 pack of diet coke in a dispensor box underneath the bed making quick acess to my precious precious life giving caffiene.

But now I'm kicking it up a notch. bam!

I've gotten extension cords giving me 3, Count em, 3 plugs over there. The first one? My alarm clock. I can now tell what time it is when I wake up in the middle of the night. Plus now I can hit snooze with a simple lethergous axe kick.

Lethergous, Adv: Done with or in a state of nature of lethargy.

Then I've got a light bulb base with a flame lightbulb in it. The Best part about that is that I've got 2, cause yo I've got to glow in



It's said that we only use 15% of our brains. If you have another number for that don't bother telling me, it's not important and I've heard everything from 5 to 25 as the %. It's not relevent to this story anyway

Anyway, I've figured out what the other 85% of my brain is doing, It's putting on a show. If you were trapped in someone's psyche without it ever interacting with you I bet you'd get bored too.

But Max, what the hell are you talking about? and why would such an insane idea come to you?

Well, from time to time an entire scene will just sort of pop into my head. There's no real sense of continuity between the various ones, and they're not even always related to my life. Or to anything at all. Once it was entirely in spanish, and when it first played out I fully understood it, but when I tried to reassemble it I couldn't remember the spanish words. This one went through my head a few minutes ago as I was walking down the hall. I think august is confused as to why I suddenly started laughing to myself, but she didn't ask any questions, which is good because even though this is happening to me I think it sounds crazy.

Anyway, the scene:

The setting is a conference room after hours. Someone has tried to make it look like a dark conspiratorial meeting place but failed in a mildly humerous way. Lighting is dim. A group of figures most of which are dressed in buisness casual clothing as well as one whose dressed in conspiratorial black robes and seems miffed that the others aren't are standing around a long oblong.

Person #1: He has to be killed
Person #2: agreed, but how
Robed figure: I like poison, its the least messy way to kill someone.
Person #1:Sounds good, but how will we get the poison to him?
Person #7: (Looking over a clipboard) he gets a sub every thursday.
Robed figure: (cutting off person #7 and speaking in an emperor palpatine dark conspirator voice) Yesss, Tuuuna. Lettuce, mayo and onions.
Person #5: and never tomatos, he hates tomatos.
Person #1: Very well then, we poison the sub. No Tomatos, No mercy!

End Scene

This one is vaguely based on my life in that I do usually get a sub on thursday (I have an extra long gap between classes on thursday) and I hate tomatos. However I don't think there's a group of novice conspirators planning to kill me. I also get meatball half the time, so poisoned tuna wouldn't necessarily work.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Clean Renewable Nerveous energy

I lost my weekend to panic. I had one very very key thought which caused me to spend my entire weekend doing nothing very very buisly. This thought? "This paper is my first graded assighnment in college."

My paper was by no means bad. I think it'll be slightly above average, but I wrestled with and was greatly impared by the 4 page maximum. I'm not used to cheating to make a paper shorter. I know dozens of tricks for adding length, very few for reducing.