Epic Maneuver

This post is just a celebration of my favorite meme, and my inability to spell Maneuver on the first try.

Epic Windows XP Maneuver.

Epic Al Bundy Maneuver

Epic Windows 98 Maneuver

Epic Poprocks Maneuver

Protip: Epic Poprocks Maneuver uses a different part of the same song from which the "Epic Maneuver" music is take, Ghost Love Score, by Nightwish.

Epic Soccer Maneuver

Epic Walmart Maneuver

Epic Stewie Maneuver

Awesome

Few things are more true then the views expressed in this comic

Lamest Solution ever

Fixed my computer. I can't prove this, put I'm pretty certain one of the wires was blocking something internally. I opened it up, found no error, and when I turned it back on I got the horrible grating of the CPU fan against an internal power cord, and no improvement in the computers condition. A little bit of wire arranging, and once again abandoning the case got my computer up and running again.

I also figured out the problem with my CPU fan. While removing it I discovered the coin thick layer of dust that had formed a thick carpet between the fan and it's component heat sink. I don't know how I forgot to clean that before, but my computer no longer has a heat crisis when I play City of Heroes, so I'm going to call that fixed and reinstall all of my old high video programs.

YTMND

I don't know if waking up before your alarm counts as a talent, but if it does I am scary talented. Anyway, on to our feature presentation

The power of ROCK

Someone always has to ruin it for you.

How it really got to the internet

They brought back the epic my favorite meme! Epic Circle Maneuver

Damnit Not Again

My computer is broken.

Again.

It's the same thing that happened last time, total blackout, only a sharp wailing when I try to boot it. It would make sense if something actively bad had happened, but all I did recently was open it up and clean out the CPU fan, so only getting the overheating alarm makes no sense. I'm going to open it again and try to figure it out, but I really don't know.

Last time it fixed itself though, so I'm not too worried.

Yet.

I love that guy

This was recently posted by the head of YTMND:

Last time a Harry Potter spoiler was posted, Scholastic threatened to sue me. They even went so far as to call me while I was at work. When asked if they would sue me in normal court or special "wizard" court, they seemed to get quite angry.

I guess they never learned their lesson last time around. Maybe at the "Hogwarts" magic school of law sending out blanket canned legal threats actually works. With any luck they will sue me and since I HAVE NO MONEY THEY WILL TAKE OVER THIS SITE AND MAKE IT A HARRY POTTER FAN FICTION SITE.

I enjoy getting emails with headers like the following:

Priority: Urgent
Importance: high

So I'm not taking shit down.

Cause and Effect

I've been thinking about the circular nature of existence recently. It's the group of ideas that relate to certain things being simultaneously self creating and self destroying, the most basic of which is life, and the most profound of which seems to be purpose.

In my musings I came upon another interesting way of stating things. Every action I do influences those that I do it to. They in turn act in a way at least partially influenced by how I acted upon them. In this way they are a part of me. Their actions, resulting from my influence, influence those they act upon, so they too are the product of my influence. This cycle continues until all of existence is seen to be nothing more then the grand effect of my sublime cause. All that is or ever will be is the product of my influence.

But what am I?

Max Payne once said that we are nothing more then the product of our choices, helpless to be anything other then what we are. This view of self is a form of predestination that intrigues me, but that is a subject for another discussion. Right now I would have you consider what it is that determines your choices. Even if you believe in free will you undoubtedly also believe in the self, or at least the illusion of self, and even if you don't believe that nurture has any power over nature you must acknowledge that the self is a product of something, and is hence the end result of an endless stream of influences, even if they're just the infinite chain of physical and genetic interactions that lead to its being.

So at the same time I am the singular cause that determines the universe, and yet I am nothing more then the product of the infinite influences that shaped me. Even a creature which has shaped every aspect of the universe is just another link in an existence which is inherently connected to every part of itself. This grand connection, this sublime network of influence, this celestial system of cause and effect is just one of the many ways of expressing the allbeing, or what I know;

As God.

Games

I found myself playing a number of interesting games recently. They're the kind of games that you only play when you're in the bizarre situation of the temporarily unemployed college student. It's really an interesting variation on the principal of the Time Trial.

So far my favorite game by far is one that involves everyone in my apartment. I call it "How long can I leave the broom and dustpan and a garbage bag by the swept up kitchen junk before one of my roommates sweeps it up." I'm not nearly as alarmed as I should be by the fact that the count will almost certainly be measured in days by the time it's done.

That game evolves into my next game, namely "how often do my roommates read my blog." I would feel worse about toying with them like this, but, hmm... You know I don't have a good reason. Someone put another mark on the scoreboard for Evil.

That's all well and good, but the real story here involves a much more important game. It answers the grand question "Will the check clear before the ramen runs out?" I'd take bets on it, but I think that might only make things worse.

Intellectual theft (the bad kind)

Before I get in trouble for coming out against intellectual theft let me remind everyone that file piracy and plagiarism are different. I'm not claiming I created the things on my bittorent queue, I'm just poor and ethically handicapped.

I'm surprised the ethically handicapped haven't weaseled our way into getting workers comp and hate crime legislation passed yet, it seems like the kind of thing we'd do. Anyway...

With that out of the way let's address Avril. I don't know how to spell her last name and I don't care, I've been against her for a long time because I like the punk philosophy, and never really cared about music, and the idea of a mainstream icon, or even a single person being touted above others is in stark violation of the obsessively anarchic philosophy that punk was supposed to be about. So I didn't like her to begin with, then I heard this.

And This, and even though it's a bit of a stretch I think we need to acknowledge this.

plagiarizing whore, /spit

State by State

There's really amazingly little to be said about the last four days. You would think that an epic cross country drive would make for a better story, but really it was just me driving 8-10 hours a day. I would love to say that it gave me some deeper perspective or allowed me to reach some deeper realization but honestly everything I was going to learn from Project Exodus I had already learned before I went back to Houston. The drive consisted mostly of me listening to my ipod and me lost in thought. Even the long hours spent in my head produced almost nothing. It was just more of my mind's ever swinging pendulum as I alternated between thinking about needlessly complex philosophical issues and thinking about sex.

Other then that things changed primarily by state.

Texas was okay, but nothing new to me. It was mostly pick up trucks going as fast as they possibly can and me going as fast as I'm allowed to go and praying I don't get knocked off the road by one of the trucks in their endless attempt to try and prove that their hauling and towing vehicle is just as nimble as my sports car. I don't know what it is but something about Texan drivers is just naturally competitive, even when one person has a far superior machine for the situation.

Oklahoma was okay. That's it really, not a lot to say about the place.

Nothing of note has ever happened in Kansas and my presence there did not change that. The only thing that could be counted as noteworthy were the strange non-sequiter "Jesus trusts in you" and "Abortion kills" signs placed every 10 miles or so. I was happy to be out of rural Kansas.

Colorado was cool, I finally began to get some noteworthy scenery, and I got to check in with my Aunt and cousin. They seems to be doing fine, and 'Torie is astoundingly competent in the field of treachery for one so young. Mostly though it was nice to have a familiar face around, to provide some form of emotional relief.

Wyoming was a lot of fun. Excellent scenery, fun sloping and winding roads, overall a great state to drive through. I'm not sure anyone should live there, but a great state to drive through. I wish I'd gotten a picture of it, but on one of their giant hills I managed to get my display to read "700 miles to empty." I also had an interesting encounter with a "road damaged ahead" sign, and a brief roller coaster experience that was fun, even if it was probably bad on my shocks. Wyoming was also the place where they had periodic railroad crossing style gates along the road, and signs that read "when flashing return to town X." I didn't ask anyone, but I figure these were related to the "Strong wind next 5 miles" signs that someone had planted every 5 miles. It seemed like a waste to me, they should've just altered the first sign to read "Welcome to Wyoming! (Expect Strong Winds)" or perhaps "Welcome to Wyoming, The Windy State!"

Fuck Utah. My time spent there consisted of blistering heat, bad wifi, and horrible traffic. I'm done with that state.

Idaho was cool. I mean, I don't have any problems with it. Parts of it were on fire, which was awkward, and I was a bit smoky by the time I got out, but overall it was good.

Did you guys know that they pump your gas for you in Oregon? I had no idea, but apparently it's a state rule. They really should've put that on the sign.

Washington was a fun one to drive through. The vast hippie movement has ensured lush verdant forests to entertain the eyes of those of us who speed through them at 80 miles an hour. Very scenic. Another place with long down slopes as well. It's fun to be driving with your foot entirely off the gas and watch the needle climbing up from 85. Somewhere around 90 I decided that idling was going a bit too fast. WA actually had all of the good features of Wyoming, and better scenery. It would've been the best part of the drive had I remembered to charge my iPod the night before.

Worthless

I'm not sure what exactly happens when I'm gone, but apparently my roommates go into comas. Nothing has gotten done in my absence and the apartment has slipped below my standards. I wasn't entirely sure that I even had standards before, but bloody damn people!

Quelling parental fears

I made it to my aunt's house fine. I'll write more when I'm less tired.

The End of Exodus: Road Notes

Note: Notes have been edited to fill in my scrawling shorthand and the roar of wind has been removed from taped notes.

-I'm going 65 mph, how is it that I'm holding people up?

-I'm going 70 mph, how is it that I'm holding people up?

-I'm going 75 mph, how is it that I'm holding people up?

-I'm going 80 mph, how is it that I'm holding people up?

-I'm beginning to worry. I've gotten used to going 80. This may cause problems in the mountains.

-I think 80 would feel a lot more satisfying if it wasn't only halfway around my speedometer.

-I'm in Dallas and it's already noon. I think the people who say driving alone is hard are the same people who don't own iPods that play through their car's stereo.

-I can tell I'm getting used to driving again. I've gone back to thinking of my speed in terms of how far from the limit it is.

-I usually hesitate to drive above +15. +5 is my standard, and +15 used to be my absolute limit, but ambient traffic is driving at +20...

-I'm not sure I can speed out here. I got caught up in a song and when I looked up I was being tailgated. With a look of horror I saw that it was a cop doing it, but its lights were off. when I lane changed it shot past me at what must have been 100 mph.

-Music still has a pretty strong effect on me. I don't feel as edgy driving 80 when Dream evil is playing. The winner, however, is Madhouse by Anthrax. It was only when it was done that I became properly aware that I had gone from being at the medium speed to weaving between cars driving +35.

-It only took me four hours to give in to hedonistic abandon and drive over 100. I only did it for a few minutes, but still.

-The last thing I saw before crossing the state line was a "Lone star, the national beer of Texas. If you can't find it, you're in a different country." If I wasn't driving, and drank, and liked beer then I might've been bothered by crossing the state line so soon after that.

-I-35 begins to shoot straight at OK city, but then takes a sudden and largely unannounced turn to go around it. I should've gotten a combo multiplier for changing three lanes that fast.

-Oklahoma seems okay.

-I could never live in a small town. I'm an escapist even in the stimulation dense environment of the big city, being in a place like Perry might kill me.

-Look best western, there were three cars in your parking lot, now is not the time to be turning me away because I'm not 21.

-I need some sun tan lotion, but only for my left arm. I'm going to have a wacky tan after this.

The End of Exodus: Symbolic

I have in my hand a small array of stickers. They're bright orange, and a single signature is written across all three. They're there to show that my car can stay in the parking behind my apartment. In Seattle.

I'll see everyone in a few days.

Last Day

Tomorrow is my last day in Houston. There's a lot to do, but even more to think about. I've been going over my route a lot recently. I underestimated it before, particularly the added time of the mountains, but now I think I know how it will work.

Day 1. Houston -> Oklahoma city
Day 2. OK city -> Denver
Day 3. Denver -> Ogden (city N of Salt Lake)
Day 4. Ogden -> At least Boise, but hopefully Baker city or Kennewick.
Day 5. Boise -> Seattle

It's longer then I first thought it would be, but I don't question my ability to pull it off. If you need me next week you'll have to call.

Policy

I've finally ended my comcast account, but I assure you that even in death they lashed at me. When it said that the current pay period was ending July 9th, I assumed that I would be charged on or around July 9th. You can see why I was somewhat perturbed when I checked over my bank account to find that they had charged me on June 27th, fully two weeks before. I'm even more disturbed because I didn't expect to be charged at all since I wasn't going to have the account in the next pay period. Apparently the chip comcast put in my head warned them about this, and they decided to jump before I got away.

This is also how you end up paying $36 for a single episode of the daily show on iTunes. Man those $35 overdraft fees really add up when you don't know you're getting them. I must admit that part of me is confused. If I didn't have money shouldn't they have just told iTunes that I couldn't buy that video? In a world of fully solid currency that's what would've happened, but the bank can make a lot more off of me if they just front me the $1.99 with and unspoken $35.00 lenders fee. I'm considering switching to another bank, although I don't have any reason to believe they would be any kinder. In the mean time I'm going to start depositing every cent I get as soon as I get it.

It really does seem that every time I come to some form of resolution on an intangible problem finance rears its ugly head.

Damnit

When you're asked how you want your chili dog meal, and you say just onions, that doesn't mean that you don't want the chili.

Missing the Message

There's an anti-drug commercial making the rounds in which a dog talks to a teenager about weed. The dog is upset that she's smoking weed, and says he likes the way she was before. You can see it here.

I saw this commercial, and had only one thought.

Talking to her dog? She's so high.

Sigh

Did anyone not see this coming?