Worthy

I like to direct you to this. Yes, it's another comic, but this time I'm not talking about the same thign the comic is talking about. I want you to see that one because the writing is genuinely clever, and the art is amazingly well done. It's interesting to see how much the quality and depth of the art in PA has developed, even though the same basic cartoony drawing style hasn't changed.

Mistakes

A while ago I decided I would give all of the TV shows that I don't watch, but are on networks I watch, a chance. I just gave that chance to Blue Collar TV.

That was a Mistake.

Retaliation

They have struck back. We Will Never Surrender.

Project Exodus

Project Exodus has hit a serious roadblock. You may recall that a key step of the plan was the tech job I had lined up at rice, this would provide for the first months living in Seattle, as well as the various expenses it would take to establish a working domain. That job fell through rather suddenly when my would be employer informed my Mom that he would actually be out of town all summer. The backups which were essentially identical jobs under other professors all fell through as well. This is why during my first week back I began job hunting, but that too has proved exceedingly difficult. I would think that the highly motivated well organized people would begin planning their summer job over winter break. The average student would start in April or March. Slackers and other such wastrels would get on it by early May, and the bottom rung burnouts would start in late May early June. So on June 11^th when I found out that my plan had fallen through I began the job search. This puts me one rung below burnout, and 2 rungs below wastrel, so it didn’t seem too promising. The results have been overwhelmingly similar. I show up to put in a resume, and the person whose working the customer service desk, or the job I had hoped to get is someone in my age bracket who beat me to the punch. The time crunch makes this increasingly difficult too. It seems reasonable to me that someone would hire a kid in to an entry level position for 3 months, but I intend to be in Seattle August 28^th, this gives me at most 2 full months of employment, which seems a bit short.

I have not yet been deterred in my efforts though. I’m going to keep saturating the local market in resumes until something comes through. The ideal solution, keeping in mind the already un-ideal conditions, would be to get a job that I could telecommute to. I only have one that fits that particular niche on my block at the moment, but I’m hoping that it will come through. The job is being a site moderator for toospoiled.com. I would normally have no interest in toospoiled.com, but a paycheck can do wonders for a lack of interest. You’ve probably checked what the website is by now, if you haven’t it’s a Craig’s list style setup for actors & models. While yes, they’re people I generally wouldn’t be interested in, it’s okay. As a moderator I’ll serve as the Iron fist of the EULA, so a bit of contempt may work in my favor. This is, however, an assignment yet confirmed. For now I simply hope, and continue applying elsewhere.

The 8 Seals of Evil

I don't think I've ever told you guys this story, but it's a good one. The 8 seals is something I've been doing in MMORPGs for a while, almost exclusively as Slyz. On a fairly regular basis I'll hit my macro which causes my character to bow its head as though in prayer, then displays the following emote text

Slyz invokes The 8 Seals of Evil

I have a similar macro which causes me to perform the Eviscerate rogue manuver, but at the same time shout "8 Seals Severing Slash!" The majority of the guild dosn't know the full story with the 8 seals, as far as I know only frag, sarb, Mary (angie), and drea know the full story. I've recently started using another macro which tends to make frag, sarb, drea and I crack up while leaving the rest of the guild completely in the dark.

Slyz calls upon the power of The 8 Seals of Evil to grant him luck and charm.

Yopu may not understand, but do not worry, for I am about to you the most hallowed secret of the 8 seals. Do you know what they are? They are...

Hearts
Stars
Horseshoes
Clovers
Blue Moons
Pots of Gold
Rainbows
And the Red Balloons

Creepy

I was rewatching the unfunny truth thing when something occured to me.

I think that music is from the game Bloodrayne. Possibly Resident evil. It's definately familiar. It's also really creepy. I'm much less disturbed by the "graphic images" then I am by the creepy music. It's interesting, I've done a lot of my own bizzare form of psychological tests on myself, and I seem to be especially vulnerable to the mood altering effects of music. It is, as all things are, a mixed blessing.

For a while I had playlists in iTunes that were designed to induce a mental state, I no longer have them but I still tend to catagorize music by emotional feel.

This vulnerability may also be why I tend to listen to spoken word things instead of music when listening recreationally. Many things to consider...

Oh, and one last note. YTMND did have that one serious note, but a lot of their scientology stuff is the same old irreverance

A Bit disturbing but worth seeing

http://theunfunnytruth.ytmnd.com/

I had always questioned scientology, but the fatal consequences of it are a new story to me.

Maxtionary

Douchery: The act of performing acts that would define oneself as being a Docuhe, or that would be associated with those who are already established to be Douches.

Fools!

Ahh Myspace. It has slain so many. The Majority of my countryman (my native country being the internet) are already under it's heel, but I stand defiant. It's most recent attack on me was utterly deflected, It reached out the rose scented hand concealing the poisoned blade, but it was not met with the foolish embrace so many have given. It was met instead with the Iron force of my Maul.

For those of you who don't know the Maul is my favorite fantasy/rpg weapon, it's basically a weaponized Sledgehammer. I'm doubt any civilized culture ever used them, but I wouldn't be suprised if one of the more Giant germanic tribes used them. It's the simple brutal expression of Berzerker Fury.

Look at this message I was sent by an account whose image is some attractive asian girl, who is just another one of the empty facemasks that these people try to use to confound me

Hey..

So, i guess the time has arrived for me to start using this myspace thing. I can resist no longer.. Let the addiction begin! I wandered into your profile and well, I liked what I saw.. ;p

So.. ya :) my name is Karren. I think we should perhaps be friends, cause you seem pretty fun, and smart, and possibly cute! (it's so tough to tell in this mean digital world.. :)

anyway, i would go on forever, but I wanna get a response from you first! You should check out my other profile on this other site, I'm allllways on over there: www.friendbooster.net?id=2284&mypics (my username is swing1860). I probably won't be logging in here everyday anyway. Then maybe we could chat sometime! you know what they say.. looks wins over the eyes, but personality catches the heart.. LOL!

take care,

Karren

Can you believe that? Who do these people think they're messing with? I'll admit they've gotten better, the use of emoticons is no longer painfully overdone, but it's still obviously a form e-mail. Nobody who uses MySpace would actually say something like that. It's the overpolished dream of the collective emo wretches that populate that foul server, whining and gushing about nothing at 2 a.m. Then it's a cheap plug for their no doubt add soaked friendbooster profile.

You know what the best part is though. My profile is completely blank. Empty corporate whore thinks I'm cute huh? Based on what asshole? You've got a bizzare taste in people if you consider this
Cute. That's the only image I have on my Myspace. I only have a Myspace so that I can comment on the blogs of my friends who haven't evaded it's noxious claw. For those of you who questioned my contempt let this experience be a lesson to you all, Myspace is just another Forum, just on a bigger level. At least with facebook you have some level of control, Myspace is just open country for hamfisted idiotic douchery.

A Fallen God

For months now, the guild Relic in the game World of Warcraft has been trying to take down a beast known as Ragnaros. Hah! Beast, that description fails it so utterly. Understand that this is literally the most powerfull single enemy in the game. This isn't some pushover.

This is
RAGNAROS: LORD OF THE FLAME

It's This
For refrence, if you measure the width of one of his bracers, the height of my character is roughly 3/4 of that. If you know the backstory like I do you'll understand that Rag is literally a primordial being composed of Evil and Fire that knows only contempt for the mortal world. If you don't know the story then you should know that he has over Two Million hit points (the highest amount of HP ever achived by a player is just shy of 12,000) A single hit from his hammer, which he can throw and instantly retrieve, deals 6,000 fire damage, he can send everything around him flying literally 100 feet back, he sends off blast waves of fire every 10 seconds and he can summon a potentially infinite army of smaller fire elementals. He's not just some badass elemental. He's the GOD OF FIRE.

And He Has Fallen.

If you look closely at the picture you can see a small white spot in front of his hammer, which was all that remained. That white spot is the glow from my magic ice sword, I was one of the 24 of us who lay dead at the end of the fight. There were actually over 30 deaths during the fight, but you don't challenge the God of Fire without having a trick or two up your sleeve. It took forty of us using a cleverly devised plan which we had rehersed, and it required that we all dig into our collective pool of trickery. Fire resistance potions which we would normally sell for a fortune were thrown around like water, every last trick and trap and resource that could be brought out was brought out. Behold the Champions in Victory.
For those of you who've never seen the game but have been listening to my rantings for all this time (Why would anyone do that?) I've included a marked version showing you where the characters you've come to know are in th picture

Glory To Stormwind, Glory To The Alliance, And most importantly of all
We Smoked that Bitch!

Genius

Go here.

Then scroll down, and download the Song "Who's the Nigga" It's genius.

For The Horde

I'm on an exercise routine again. I'm undecided on my exact position on being fat, but I don't enjoy being as far out of shape as I am. I've also passed a level of fatness that makes it hard to buy clothing. It seems that I've reached a point where I'm too lazy to be this fat. I think the key indicator was when I realized that Me sitting in my giant chair watching Sealab DVDs is the world greatest unintentional Jabba The Hutt Impersonation.

Ho, Ho, Ho, Mar-Co. Ho, Ho, Ho!

Anyway, I'm on a system that starts with stretching, then DDR to warm up then some weights, then cooldown with swimming.

Speaking of DDR, this is the first of many tangents, I did something today that I felt I should be laughed at for. Those of you who've heard me discuss the game may have heard me refer to it as "The Revolution." I've used the phrase "I only dance as part of the revolution" as major social events.

I'm going to pause here to let you shout NEEERRRD!

Anyway, I've generally enjoyed likening DDR to actual political revolution. This is why I love the Robot Chicken sketch where a Cuban kid plays Dance Dance Revolucion against Castro's Dance Dance Counter-Revolucion. This sketch, along with my sense of whimsy lead me to shout "I Do This! For My Cuban People!" before playing the game.

Back on task. I'm doing more weight lifting stuff now and I find that it's filled me with a familiar but all to long forgotten bloody energy. A sort of Berserker energy. I'm not going berserk, but this is warrior impulse firing in my blood and returning to me my superhuman strength. With this energy comes the berserker impulse. The five thousand year old male impulses that I usually look upon with so much disdain. I've forgotten how much fun they are though. It's a great feeling to thrust the iron skywards and scream at the world of opposing you.

Unfortunately my nerd traits carry over to this, because when I scream at the world I tend to scream things like "LOKTAR!, or "THROM KA ZAGAT AKT NAGA!" For those of you who didn't play as much Warcraft III as I did, those are Orcish battle cries.

Only a nerd would describe a connection to the male warrior impulse as getting to know your inner Orc.

For the Horde.

This would actually work a lot better if I regularly played as the horde in WoW. What would the alliance shout? Ah Yes.

LEEROY!!!!!!! JENKINS!!!!!!!

Should've stopped at 2

There's something about trying to clean the walls of a pool whilst floating in said pool that makes me wish I didn't understand newtons third law. And if you think that's bad, run the numbers on trying to scrub the floor.

Patron Saint

The following is excerpted from an AIM conversation.

Risingphoenix42: My uncle, he's very sun concious....
Risingphoenix42: ...he puts on sunblock everytime he's going to be outside for more than a half hour....
Risingphoenix42: never gotten badly burned
Risingphoenix42: always well maintained as far as sun exposure goes
Risingphoenix42: just recently....he got skin cancer on his nose.....why?.....he was using to much sunblock

Political Power

Dear President Bush

Your administration has pioneered the idea of “The power of Prayer” in politics, and as a mystic and a man of faith I support that. I think that it’s high time we stopped resorting to simple material actions in our quest for political power, and began calling in divine aid, amongst other forms of supernatural assistance.

That is why I propose to you today the use of another source of supernatural political power that was once widely used, but in recent years seems to have been forgotten. I speak of course, of the power of Grayskull. The power of Grayskull goes back generations, but only recently was it used for political gain, and I can assure you Mr. President the results of this use were tremendous. A simple Prince, Prince Adam, utilized the power of Grayskull, and he soon soared through the ranks; climbing all the way to the coveted position of “Master of The Universe.” Imagine, Mr. President, what you or your second in command Darth Cheney, Dark Lord of the Sith, could do with this kind of power. Not only could the democrats no longer oppose you, but you would finally be free of the staunch partisan attitudes of Beast man, Two-Bad, and the famed liberal commentary of Skeletor.

Yours in Christ

-Max Willson

Listen +2

One of the things that I would list in my vast array of "Paranoia based Skills" is an accute sense of hearing. This means that it's fairly routine for someone to mutter under their breath without realizing that my team of spies is under there too. So when I was told that I was going to be paying $180 in oversized and overweight baggage fees, and then I paid it without too much questioning (If I spent a lot of time negotiating this I would've missed my plane) the worker who I was negotiating with whispered to himself "You are a rich Kid"

I didn't say it, but the part of my brain responsible for bitter contemptuous thoughts fired into action

No, I'm a kid who understands the principles of time management, and knows that every now and then life plays a little game called "Up yours Max" and who has the foresight and the cycnicism to keep a $500 trump card on him.

I then spent the rest of my flight sleeping. It turns out that you can in fact go to sleep angry. Just thought you all should know.

10 Hours remain

In 10 hours I pass the point of no return. That's when the cab comes. If you were to look at my room you'd probably panic and say "MAx Get the hell to work" but what you wouldn't know is that except for my comptuer (which is going to be packed at T-minus 2 hours) I'm fully packed. Everything that's out is something I'm going to use one more time, then throw away.

So far everything has gone according to plan, with only one exception. I left one box behind when I hiked to fed-ex, but that's okay. Fed ex is open 24 hours, the busses start running again at T-minus 4 Hours, so I'll go then.

And yes I do plan to be up all night. I'm on an even worse schedule then normal now because I don't have any beddings, so I've been using theta state meditation as a complete substitute for sleep, rather then as an additive. It turns out that there are things you get from rem you don't get from theta. I also tend to lose focus about 2 hours into trance, so I can't seem to get much more sleep then that. It's been really sporadic.

Okay well I'm off to go do... stuff. Seeyas.

Mort-gage

I'm getting fairly far along in this whole packing thing. I've got a lot of my errata sitting in boxes with partially torn cardboard indicating the areas where the lables "To Ted something, Lander 397" used to be.

Thanks Ted, your trash is my tool.

I think I've got it all under control now. I'll have two checked (My massive computer box and my big luggage carrier thing full of clothing etc.) and two carry on (my backpack and my laptop bag) and I think I can swing that. I've done it before anyway. The key is to not ask if it's okay, and be really hard to deal with if someone gives you shit.

Yeah I know, that's really mean, but there are times when I need to get things done damnit.

sitting here amongst the boxes and the chaos I'm reminded of a quote form the Senor Mortgage toon.

"Senor CardGage MortGage helped Consolidate my whole life into this Tiny Box, Thanks! Senor Mortgage!"

It's a great one.

Dance Dance Revolution (Azeroth Remix)

So WoW. First of all, I relapsed again. I'm not sure if that's even the right term, it may be more appropriate to call this "My Triumphant return to World of Warcraft."

Now that I've gotten the real news out of the way, here's something meaningless.

The dances for the two new races are being revealed. Remember, Draeni on Alliance, Blood elves on Horde. I really can't decide which I like better, I know both their back stories, and I love both races. It turns out the dance thing won't make my deicision either, because the dances are based on my two favorite dance scenes. For draeni it's the music video that introduced me to indian music.

The Video
The Draeni Dance

The blood elves take there's from a more well known dance scene. See for yourself.

Actually, scratch that. I won't get into the whole blood elf backstory (which is hard because it's awsome) but I have to side with them. One reason too. They're Mana Addicts. That idea was the first point that eventually became the mobius character. I love the idea of having the power, but the tragic irony of the power controlling you. It's delicious.

Opening day, when Burning legion launches, I'm rolling a Blood Elf named PatronSaint. I'm calling it now.

Punk'd

If you were an obsessive wackjob like me you'd know that Nintendo has a long history if screwing with penny arcade. I don't mean this in a bad way either, as a major media outlet PA gets the standard free stuff, but when Nintendo sends it to them they like to play games with them. One of the most famous incidents was when they sent and incredibly realistic plastic hand. There are stories of Gabe running out of his office saying

"Do you fuckers not understand that you need me? Do you understand that if I have a heart attack and die, you all have to get real jobs?"

Well Nintendo has done it again. There's a video of them opening the latest box. For those of you who are using 6 year old computers with no sound cards and operating systems whose source code is found in the Necronomicon, you know who you are, you'll need to go to a comptuer with sound to get it.

Grrr

Someone's spamming annonymous positive feedback with links to some website that looks like a dead end that is putting my 3 pop up blockers through their paces. If you're reading this spammy, STOP IT. I don't care if it's positive, it's hollow, and it's spam.

Bastard.

Free Art

I found some drawings while sifting through the trash for more free boxes. I'm dissapointed because this means I'm going to have to buy a box, but the art is surprisingly good. They're just sketches, and the style if fairly simple, but they're good. They bare the mark of someone who has more talent and inspiration then technique, and if you can get past that you can see the greater emotional content within.

MFM "Chapter 6: Resources"

"Recycling bins are an excellent source of Free boxes"

Maxonian Field Manual

The Maxonian Field Manuaul is the newest addition to the vast assortment of Maxonian objects. The MFM as well as a copy of the Maxtionary is given to all Maxonian Citizen at the point of liscence renewal (liscences are very important in maxonian government, I'll explain later). This allows most of the Maxonian government and instructional centers to awnser questions with the phrase "RTFM" which means read the field manual.

Well, that's what it officially means anyway.

Any blog post entitled Maxonian Field Manual, or MFM will be an excerpt from it.

Additional Official

I'm now also officially Goth. My hair has gotten long enough that after any violent head motion (suprisingly common in my life) it hangs in front of my right eye, while leaving my left eye out to cast contempt on the masses and "The conformists." After a recent bout of headbanging done to the German J-pop song "Heute Ist Mein Tag*" Something I'm glad none of the normals saw because I'd instantly lose all of my "Max is intimidating" points, I found my vision obscured by my hair. It was then that it dawned on me. With a maniacal giggle I flipped my head in a way that conveyed both arrogance and a general disappointed ennui, which put my hair back in to it's previous place. This is the Goth hair flip maneuver, also known as "the flippy thing that guy in that band can do." If you need an example watch the South Park episodes with the Goth kids, you'll see

*James when you read this e-mail me a translation of that please.

It's official

I'm now officially an Idiot.

Let me explain.

I was pacing around my room looking at thing, mentally deviding them into four catagories:

Pack it
Ship it
Use it/dispose of it
Conrad's

It was then that I took note of my bottle of Listerine. It's a big bottle, and 3/4 full. So logically I decided to use it so that as little as possible would be wasted. Let me repeat that.

I was walking around my room, the room which is the maximum possible distance from the mens bathroom, and I saw a bottle of Listerine, and immidiately took a swig of it.

It's official.

Project Exodus

So it appears I no longer have a roommate. To be honest I’m not happy about that, but I’m not going to force a friend of mine into something he’s not comfortable doing. I understand, but don’t agree with the perceived problem but, ya’know what? Skip it. That’s a long complex topic and not the topic of discussion at the moment. The plan has changed. This means two things.

1. I’ll be living either in a studio in UW district or a 1 bedroom in cap hill.
2. Rent will be higher.

I’ve asked around about the commune option, and I’ve gotten a great deal of negative responses, so that’s out.

The Stranger roommate selection is an interesting idea that fails in practice. I’d need to arrange this for September, The stranger roommate thing has a much shorter window of opportunity.

I still plan to do the hit the ground cushioned plan, where I live off savings for a month during which I search for a job. I won’t say that the plan doesn’t worry me, because it does, but I think I can pull it off, and I think the experience will be good for me. Amongst other things I think I’m due for a good “bat to the face” style of lesson on budgeting.

Both locations are near “non-violent” martial arts places, so I’ll almost certainly join one of those (assuming funding.) Non-violent martial arts is a term I don’t think I’ve ever used outside of conversations with myself, but they refer to martials arts that don’t have much to do with actually beating your opponent. In karate the goal is clear. In Kung-fu the goal is clear. However in Aikido the goal is personal. It can be used in self defense yes, but Aikido isn’t really about learning how to fight as much as it is about learning proper motion, balance, and chi control. The same is true of Tai-Chi. The 1 bedroom in cap hill is within reasonable distance of an Aikido center, while the studio is around the block from a Tai-chi dojo. I’m more interested in Aikido, but I’m also interested in $50/month. There are still many things to consider though

Maniac

I meant to post this earlier, but going back through my notes I'm reminded of it.

I almost certainly have Mania. Look at the key indicators

Decreased Need For Sleep
Pressured Speech
Racing Thoughts/distractiblity
Increased involvement in goal directed activity (this one is the one I don't hink I have)
Psychomotor Agitation (fancy term for fidgity)
Excessive involvement in pleasurable but potentially harmful activites

This may be a key example of what's known as "Psych Student Syndrom" where people begin ascribing disorders to themselves, but the synch up here is incredible. Then again this is the second condition I've ascribed to myself recently (the first being that I think I'm either monopolar depressed or bipolar to a slight degree) but I have really signifigant evidence for both.

This one is for the nerds in the audiance

An Engineer a Physicist and a Mathmatician are asked to build a fence for a farmer. They're told to make it close as much area as possible, but to do it fast.

The Engineer spends 15 minutes making a square enclosure, the farmer is pleased and pays him.

The physicist spends a few hours making as close to a perfectly circular fence as he can. The Farmer dosn't like how long it took, but is reasonably satisfied and pays him.

The Mathmatician wanders off. Everyone stand around waiting for him, and 8 hours later he runs back with the entirety of the fencing wrapped around himself and shouts "Guys! I defined myself as being outside the fence."

Standard Deviance

A programmer and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angeles to New York.

The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game.

The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and is a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."

Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep.

The programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $100!"

This catches the engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game.

The programmer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the programmer.

Now, it's the engineer's turn. He asks the programmer "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?"

The programmer looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers--all to no avail.

After about an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $100. The engineer politely takes the $100 and turns away to try to get back to sleep. The programmer, more than a little miffed, shakes the engineer and asks "Well, so what's the answer?" Without a word, the engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the programmer $5, and turns away to get back to sleep.

The Awful Truth

This is a revelation… No that’s not true. This is something I’ve known for a long time that I’m going to finally admit. It’s very important, very sad, and is the driving force behind project Exodus.

When I think about my performance this quarter, and really since winter quarter, I come to one conclusion. I’m going to do okay. I won’t be doing very well, but I won’t be failing. I’ll be doing what I’ve been doing a lot of my life. I’ll be gliding along on natural intelligence. I don’t do much work. I do a little more then I have to, and it’s not right. It’s not right because when I look at what I’ve done, and what I’m capable of doing there’s a gap.

So why. Why is it that I’m not living up to my potential? I’ve given a lot bullshit reasons in the past. They were all reasons that looked good and sounded great because they were little issues that I could deal with in a quick way. I could then ignore the fact that removing that issue didn’t actually solve the problem and move on to my next self delusion. Quitting WoW didn’t help me. I actually quit gaming altogether for two weeks and that didn’t help me. All of the things I’ve done which were supposed to be the solution could be described as “Removing a distraction.” And every time I’ve removed a distraction I’ve created a new one, and it’s important that I created it, because it shows that this isn’t the outside world hindering me, this is me hindering me.

The problem is internal. I’m not motivated, I’m conflicted, and I’m not sure where I’m going. The first comes from the last two, which are essentially the same thing. I have a great inner conflict between my goal of attaining transcendence, and all of the goals that take place in the material world. You can’t have both, you really can’t. That was the lesson we learned from the hermit who predicted Siddhartha would attain the state of Buddha. He came down from the mountains and told the king and his eight year old son “If you son stays in the castle he will be a great and powerful ruler, but if he leaves it and takes up the life of an ascetic he will become enlightened and be a great teacher.” The king tried to keep him in the castle and, that’s not the point, the point is that I can’t have both. I have these dreams of material success that just don’t jibe with the drive of my soul.

This is the first of two tangents. I never used the word Jibe until there was a big argument between Rabbi Weiss and Mr. Dow on stage with microphones during on ma’amad. Second tangent impending.

One of the strange things in human history is that every human culture has had religion. Many people claim that this is because humans needed something to answer the big questions. Stuff like “What happens after I die” and “Where does that big ball of fire go to at night.” I think they’re wrong. There are people born everywhere with an innate religious drive. People who know internally that there is something out there, people who seek knowledge of it, and seek to teach others of it.

I am one of those people.

I’m also a scientist.

I think I may also be a warrior.

See what I mean by conflicted? Warrior blends unusually well with the other two, but I have the issue that I can’t ignore my own spirituality. I actually don’t have any clash between science and religion, this is because my religion is willing to say things like “I’m not sure, but I have several theories,” and “In the end this whole thing is faith.” The reason there’s conflict between the two is because I have to choose whether or not I’m going to stay in the castle.

If this were an audio recording there would be a long break and several sighs here. I’m hesitant to say this next thing.

I’m thinking my path probably lies outside of the castle. Science tempts me because I feel like I could do a lot more things that would be measurable success, but I know at the core of my being that I would mark my own accomplishments to be greater if I chose to dedicate myself to my religious quests.

The thought occurs “Max, you’ve done fairly well at doing both up until now.” Up until now I’ve been a dependent. It’s true that I’m still in my larval phase, but I’m at the tail end of the larval phase where I’m no long in symbiosis with my host organism, but am rather in the chrysalis that is college. I still rely on them to support me, but I’m separate and will soon emerge from my hapless victim’s ribcage as a fully formed Alien.

What? You thought I was making a butterfly reference? Aliens bitch, Aliens.

If I take the path of science, in this case represented by an engineering degree, I’ll be making that commitment. As much as I hate to say this your job does, in a very large way, define you. If my life revolves around science it will be that which I pursue, and I don’t like that.

If I don’t take the path of science then I give up on guaranteed material success. While yes it’s possible for me to make a good deal of money as an artist, or a journalist, or a mystic it’s far from guaranteed. With an EE or Bio-E degree I can get a good paying job. It’s not even that science doesn’t interest me, it does, but I feel like I have a higher calling.

It’s really a shame that I don’t submit to any organized religion because then I could just become clergy and this would be over and done with. It’s a shame I don’t have anyone I’m considering marrying, because I have a vow that if I ever do decide to raise a family, which isn’t in my current plan but could happen, I’m going to convert to Judaism. Out of all the organized religions it’s the one that I like best. Buddhism is good, but Judaism is a religion that encourages you to learn, the question, and to seek knowledge. Besides, at the higher levels of Judaism you get all the grand revelations Buddhism gives. It’s one of the things I like about Judaism, for an average Joe who lives in the material world Judaism offers a great set of ethical and practical guidelines. For someone who seeks out higher truth Judaism offers that as well, but doesn’t force it on you like Buddhism does. There’s enough there for it to help you at whatever level of religiousness you are.

Anyway that’s why I’m conflicted. I haven’t made any decision yet, but you can see the issue I have. I’ve made sure to include the words “I think” and “probably” to make sure I’m not making a commitment of any kind here.

That conflict holds me back, but I also have a general lack of motivation. I hesitate to say this as well, but I think I may be clinically depressed. I exhibit a lot of the signs of it, I have a family history of it, and it would make sense given my condition. Unfortunately this would mean that I’d be given another set of mind altering pills. I’m okay with Concerta. I’ve done a lot of experiments with them, and I’ve concluded that they don’t alter my emotional or mental state. They really don’t do anything I couldn’t get through caffeine; they just do it more effectively with fewer drawbacks. Anti-depressants change your emotional state. I will not take a medication to cure an emotional problem. Hah, cure, that’s completely the wrong word to use. This is an example of fighting the symptoms and not the disease, or what I usually refer to as removing the problem without solving it. I lump anti-depressants into the same school of thought as cutting off ones arm to remove finger pain. This pool also has such noted things as every non ironic use of the phrase “talk to the hand” and the entirety of Reaganomics.

Tangent again. A great family guy quote comes when an unnamed character, someone I would call an NPC, describes the purpose of the Young Republicans club as “We help those that already have the means to help themselves.” So true.

Anyway. I might be clinically depressed, I need to deal with that, and despite what I’ve been told and will write on my psych final in 23 hours I think it can be cured through introspection and thought. I’m already taking modified speed I don’t need to be on modified ecstasy as well.

Slain

I finished my physics final. I think I did pretty well, it was nearly entirelly conceputal which was good because I have the concept's down more then the math, but it was also heavily multiple choice which is bad because it's easy to make a small mistake somewhere in 8 steps of conceptual reasoning and come out with something very similar to the correct awnser. I'll have to wait and see. I'm going to go nap, and then rest, watch the daily show, sleep, and then begin studying for psych.

Non-Cumulative. The best 1 1/2 words in the english language.

Sig

When I used to post in forums as Slyz, and whenever I send an e-mail as Slyz, I used to use a certain tag line or Signiture as they're known in forums. Recent events demanded I reform it, and I did. I place it here as part of my memory

The opinions of Slyz do not necesarily reflect those of anyone sane. Slyz is not responsible for anyone shot stabbed raped or converted to Mormaisim while interacting with Slyz. Slyz should only be used as per instruction, should only be taken orally, and should never be mixed with drugs alcohol or M80 firecrackers. Slyz only availible while supplies last, and only at participating locations, all points of this contract subject to change without reason. Prices and participation may very see store for details some assembly required some restrictions may apply. Batteries not included.

Impending Doom

I'm really jumpy. The test is in 1 hour, I've studied a lot, but as much as I'm sure I've mastered electromagnetism I fel that I must be missing something. How could I have actually amassed it all?

I find confident in my own thoughts. I was musing on the nature of the class briefly, and in the midst of that I lamented the fact that both electricity and magnetism are explained, but they don't show you the greater symphony of light. A Light wave is made up of a packet of energy oscilating between electric and magnetic forms, the two forms are shown to be equal through a truly vicious set of equations known as "Maxwell's Equations." It seems that rather then giving us the step up to the level of PHYS 123 at the end of PHYS 122 they would rather give us a seemingly complete whole and surpise us with this new insight when we start PHYS 123.

That isn't really releveant to the test, but the fact that I know that gives me some confidence in my general science-ness.

PSP

I need to get a PSP. I also critically need to not get a PSP.

It's a portable hard drive, music player, video player, and a handheld game console. But it's also a portable hard drive, music player, video player, and handheld game console. Think of the possiblities, but think of the possibilities*. This is all moot anyway because I can't afford it, but my thoughts are occupied by the issue.

*bold text means scary voice.

Planning Oversight

We're out of food money.
What? We've been keeping careful track. I made sure every time I bought something that my rate of decline would hold us at least until the end of the month.
Yes, but the Month ended 5 days ago. You forgot about June.
Oh. Well Shit.
Shit indeed. Luckily we've got some unaccounted for resources.
Such as?
The food drawer. We got lazy and stopped cooking a while through the quarter, which means we have a lot of left over food.
Isn't most of that food over a month old?
Yes, but we bought all non-perishable food because we don't have a freezer or adequate refrigerator.
God Bless inadequacy. Will this supply hold us through the whole week?
Probably not, but we'll need to go buy milk eggs and butter to fill the missing pieces in our current recipes, we can buy groceries for this week as well
That means tapping into our funds. I thought those were frozen through august.
The hit won't be hard, and it shouldn't make enough of a dent to matter.
Very well. We'll sink further below, but we won't breach the $500 safety net for this, if nothing else I can do without food for a day or so. Or I could just take stuff from Conrad's food shelf.
Conrad's food shelf is mostly soy sauce and rice noodles
I like rice noodles
Sigh...

That'll show me

So my sleep cycle has gone off at a crazy slant, and it all started with a 2 a.m. UD Strat run as part of my relapse, and let me make it clear that I have no regrets about that. It was one of the greatest runs ever, it was me, Frag, Angie, Drea (new guy but cool) and Thorvin (same). You've got to understand that Frag and I are the Burt and Ernie of World of Warcraft. Somehow when you get me and Frag around without Jodan we both immediately revert to being 12 year old boys doing our playground fun quarrel routine.

"You should tank with a shield!"
"You should get your shanker out!"
"You should go to hell!"
"You should go to hell infinity!"
"You should go to hell infinity +1!"

And then Angie immediately assumes the role of the Matron keeping the two of us moving forward and generally heaping scorn. I do my fair share of scorn too because Frag is one of the people who's smart but isn't well read, so he has a limited vocabulary. I've got a history of using my expansive vocabulary and verbose dialect. I orate as a paragon of etymology, and I declare this free of provarication. This leads to situations where I'll say something like "Don't worry, My diverse eldritch machinations are already at work" to which frag replies "What?" and I in turn say "I'm sorry, In Frag-speak that would be 'I'm gonna pull some shit with magic." Then I utterly fail and he countermocks, It's a great system, and a great time for all.

I just got way off topic. I'm having post replapse recovery withdrawal. Anyway my sleep schedule is way off, but I stopped fighting it. I accepted the slide, and tempered it, so that I wake up at around 3 a.m. and fall asleep at around 5 p.m. This means that I've got a full day of studying before my 1:30 physics final. Genius. This is also why I'm writing a blog post at 3:51 the night before a physics final.

Remember that I define night as being the time after sunset before sunrise, so a.m. is also night.

I'm mostly writing this because I'm bored and I need to blow off steam, getting up and studying for an hour (ish) isn't a good way to start a day. I did anyway until about 20 minutes ago when I found out Penny-Arcade had a new podcast out. It's hilarious. I'd be doing the insane cackling my mother is so familiar with if it weren't for the quiet hour rules, instead I'm restraining the vocal energy release and expressing it as body convulsions. That's not the point, the point is it's funny.

What else... Oh, I realized packing wasn't such a big issue once I threw out all of my trash. It's amazing how much of that stuff I had piled up. I've also finalized my deal with Kevin to store the items that I don't have any conceivable use for in Houston. That list grows as I go through my undocking procedures, but I don't think it'll get too big. One big thing that helped was remember that my plates and bowls had been borrowed (stolen) from 1101, so I wouldn't get to keep those. Also remembering that the pot and the microwave are Conrad's

Speaking of Conrad. On Tuesday he said to me "I'm going to California 'till Sunday, See you" and left. It's now technically Monday, and he's not back. I hope he's okay. I also hope he doesn't have any finals later today.

I'm going to go back to studying then packing, then studying, then BF2, then studying etc. Seeyas.

Hey did you know that Blogger spell check wants to change the word Jordan to Goddamn. Blogger spellcheck really does suck.

Relapse

So I caved in. I re-acquired wow, played it for 2 days, and re-deleted it. It was a short relapse, but it happened nonetheless. I'm not proud of it, but I can't say that I didn't enjoy it. It was really fun to see my old friends again. Jordan, Angie, Mike, and Frag are still around, they got me into their new guild which will have a lot to explain when there newest member is really active for two days then leaves. The whole experience leaves me a bit disturbed though. When I look at it I'm mildly ashamed that I did it, but I can't deny the fact that I really enjoyed it. I enjoyed it much though. I know, from personal experience, that if you get into the game there will come a point where you'll have to choose between studying, or getting enough sleep to work effectively, and going on a raid. And you'll go on the raid. I've done it, I've seen friends do it. Hell I've had moments where I said "it is way too late I'm logging off" but Jordan who was 2 hours ahead of me (time zones) kept going. It's fun, but it's destructive fun.

I just realized that this rant is circular. I only really have one point to make and I've already made it. It's weird, that rant has a lot more steam behind it, but it's all out of point.

One Point I do still have is Fukawi. Fukawi is a thing that Relic (my new guild) does which I consider genius. Any time anyone does or says something stupid, you take a screen shot of it, and post it on the relic forum. The Relic-ites all share my own sense of thick skinned humor so we all thoroughly enjoy it.

It's actually a shame, I'm going to miss relic. Damnit Max RESOLVE. Sorry, I may not have mastered this relapse as well as I thought. It's deleted though and the only way for me to get it back would be to DC++ it again, which I won't be able too soon because the network is going down for the summer. I have enough fear to stave off tomorrow, and Monday it goes down so I'm set.

Anyway, Fukawi. I have one which I'm going to submit. This is at Jordan's expense. He makes the mistake of playing drunk, which is funny, and is regarded by all as a laugh riot. Jordan can also drink without being consumed by it, long story, blog post, coming soon. Anyway, I just had the following conversation with Jordan, who is in this post known as Sarbin, his character name.

(Editors note: This seems less funny looking at it now, your call, but if for no other reason this is another piece of my memory book.)
(Editors Note: The Screenshot is too small to read, I'm just going to transcribe it, the coloration is the same color used for /tells in WoW.)

[Sarbin] whispers: I'm really horny... that dosn't make us all geniouses now does it???
To [Sarbin]: No, no it dosn't
[Sarbin] whispers: I win.
To [Sarbin]: You can't.... Jordan you make my brain sad.